damn i hope i find a job

well i have 3 places to go about jobs today i sure hope one of them hires me i will feel much better once i'm working

 

finally done

who in the hell taught those slant eyed motherfuckers to build a car sure they get good gas milage but have u ever had to work on one

 

she gives me happy feet

I've gotta tell you,waking up next to the most beautiful woman alive gives me happy feet

we watched that movie last night and, how cute

I've know i must be the luckiest man alive

it wasn't to many damn months ago that i woke up every morning or after noon wishing that i had died in my sleep

and as soon as i was awake i would stick a needle in my arm to try to kill the pain inside me

accomplishing nothing except causing pain in the hearts of those who truly loved me

my mom and sisters were scared to death just knowing that one day they would get a call saying that i had been killed or overdosed

and now it is hard to believe that i ever let myself get so down and out, so completely depressed

and now i wake up so full of life and purpose it is almost impossible to believe that i could have ever been so sad

none

no subject or poem just getting ready to work on the neigbors car again.still haven't found a job but have been looking, and very thankful for what money i've been able to make even though it isn't very much

none

no subject or poem just getting ready to work on the neighbors car again.still haven't found a job but have been looking, and very thankful for what money I've been able to make even though it isn't very much

a poem i wrote yesterday after watching a man dig in a dumpster for cans

                   I'VE BEEN THAT MAN 

                       i've been that man

                      know man likes being

                       seen horrible things

                        no man likes seeing

                         i've been that man                            

                       with a wallet full of cash

                            i've been that man

                        thankfull for some scraps

                               i've been that man

                             i was forced to be to be

                             i've been that man

                                i had to be

                            i've been that man

                              THAT MAN IS ME

my angel eyed beauty

have you ever had a woman look at you and stop you dead in your tracks or with a wink bring your erection back.

has a woman ever stole your heart before you've even met her

to the point you would do anything just to get w/her

have you ever left behind, all your family and friends

to see if a new life with an angel eyed beauty could begin

and every one you know expects you to fail

but your only goal in life her love to win

good morning

damn i feel exhausted,and either the weather change or one of these desert plants is kicking my ass.when i wake up my nose is runny and my throat is scratchy, but it normally doesn't take my body long to build up immunities to things i'm allergic to.

and as long as i wake up with amanda i'm happy

i've got to finish working on the neigbors car this morning and go back to yucca rental

 

 

 

 

she's so wonderful

i can't believe how lucky i am to have such a wonderful woman.

i would never have believed 4 months ago that today i would be so happy.

i'm dope free with no desire to use, i will have a job this week one way or another.

i was finally able to bring in a little money this week, which makes me feel a little better i was not supposed to show up so broke

but i lost the nerve or ability to do what i had been doing to survive

because at that point it was no longer absolutely necessary

the only thing that was absolutely necessary was making it to Amanda

        just sittin here chillin wondering if this is all to good to be true. wondering when it's gonna happen, when for some reason or another everything suddenly changes and what happiness i have found in life is stripped and taken from me.or when i do something myself that costs me everything.

maybe i'm being silly or a little paranoid it's just that i've really never known true happiness until now

and there is a part of me that is having a hard time believing that it is real and not just some real cruel joke

i know that might sound stupid but after what i've gone through it is hard not to feal that way

still just as happy

i can't speak for amanda but i am just as happy or even happier  waking up by her side today as i was the first day.

and as each day passes holding her in my arms feel a little more perfect every day.

there is not a word in any language or a feeling of emotion that could even start to describe how complete i feel when she lays her head on my chest after we make love.

and there is no words to describe how worthless i think her ex is for leaving two wonderful boys and betraying the most wonderful woman he could've ever had. but i thank GOD every day that he is not the man i am because had he of been i wouldn't have her today

GOOD MORNING BABY WOW

                       DAMN BABY WOW AGAIN

the alarm went off AT 4:30 AM I JUST WOKE UP TO SAY DAMN BABY WOW AND GO BACK TO BED

BUT WHEN I WENT BACK TO BED THIS SEXY , GORGEOUS WOMAN

THAT I HOPE TO SOME DAY MAKE A COUNTRY BOY'S WIFE OUT OF

was laying there in the bed, nude from the love we shared a few hours before

        AND ALL I CAN SAY IS DAMN BABY WOW AGAIN

I HAVE NEVER KNOWN SUCH HAPPINESS AND SATISFACTION IN MY LIFE UNTIL A WEEK AGO WHEN I TRAVELED 1200 MILES ON A BUS

             BELIEVE ME IT WAS MORE THAN WORTH IT

                 IN FACT IT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS

             DAMN BABY WOW!!!!!!

             

DAMN BABY WOW

    i guess that is all i can say about the love we made last night

                              DAMN BABY WOW

        AND HOW COMPLETLY PERFECT U FEEL IN MY ARMS

                               DAMN BABY WOW

 

       and lets not forget what it is like waking up in your arms

                           DAMN BABY WOW

what is it you want/ are you willing to fight for it ?

have you ever woke up and wondered why?why am i going to work today,why am i not getting high,why does it even matter?

i have, i have spent almost 11 years wondering why

sometimes barely holding on to sanity, while sobriety slipped through my hands

other times just wishing that i could kill my self without being damned to hell

many nights  spent in deep thoughts , wondering why, why me?

what did i do to deserve this life, this pain, this heart ache?

and slowly i have come to realize that it wasn't anything that i had done

but what i am going to do.see all of that pain was not punishment but rather preparation.

preparing me to be the man i have become or am becoming. 

and i know exactly what i want and i am more than willing to fight for them. rather that fight be physical, emotional, or even circumstantial

it matters not what or who or when or why. only that they have my heart and for that i am willing to die

so what is it u live, fight and die for

 

i finally got what i wanted

i have done a lot of things in my life lived in a lot of places known a lot of people.

i've sold drugs,shop lifted,robbed,been strung out,sold out, kicked out

and all that i have ever wanted is a good woman and a couple of bad kids

and can you believe it i've been extra blessed with a good woman

                        and two great boys

      so i guess all i'm trying to say is thank you GOD

mommy i don't feel good

i woke up this morning feeling like shit,my nose is stuffy my chest is congested,and i've got real bad heart burn or acid reflux.

but even with all of that going on i feel good and you want to know why

cause when i looked next to me, i saw the most beautiful woman in the world,my woman

                     AMANDA

i got the badest bitch in the world

i don't know what i did to get blessed with my angel, but i thank GOD every i day that i did.

not only does she have a job but she is a very good cook, dedicated mother of two wonderful boys.

and did i mention that she is a wonderful lover

i honestly thought that there were no more women like her left cause she is one of the few good ones that is left

and i'm gonna hold on tight i'm gonna be a passionate lover excellent father trusted companion and intimate friend

i have never known this kind of happiness and i'm not gonna let anything stop me from keeping it

 

in securities caused by a whore still knock at my souls door

well yesterday i discovered that the in securities placed in my heart,etched deep to the soul by a worthless whore with no self control, still haunt me.and i'm not quite sure how to make it go away.i have always been a jealous man, but never without cause.secure in the fact that i am a damn good man,always open to suggestions and willing to go out of the way  to please others.combined with that and my deep rooted emotional scars caused by my dad,made me a little crabby and distant yesterday.but i am bound and determined not to let my issues get in the way of spending my life with the most wonderful woman in the world

         well next to nonie pony, my sister and my mom Debbie

cause the thing is i know that my in securities were not caused by her and I'll be damned if she should have to pay for it.

yet that still leaves me at a loss on how to get my mind and heart right

maybe it's your fault

to all of you men out there that the rest of us country boys get tired of listening to every day at work complaining that all your wife's do is bitch and nag, and your kids are spoiled brats.

   DO ANY OF YOU ASSHOLES EVER STOP TO THINK

                           MAYBE IT'S MY FAULT

of course not, most of you idiots think that all you have to do is come home from work and give orders,and even if your wife doesn't work, if she is at home with kid's all day, yours or not you lazy jerks need to realize that that in itself is an all day job,and quite a bit more stressful than say building a house,or running wire,or working on a vehicle and a lot more demanding,and then to top it off when you get home and your {better half no doubt}wife or girlfriend should be getting to take a break rather it be a bubble bath or a massage.no instead more often than not it's baby will you get me a beer,or what's for dinner,or my back hurts could you rub it.and to you dead beat dads that think because you can't have the woman you don't have to raise your kid's, you make me sick and if i could get away with it, i would hang you yellow bellied bitches from the neck right before i filled you full of bullets for all of the tears that some innocent little boy or girl that you made had to cry because of your cold hearted rejection and abandonment.

to be honest i am shocked and utterly appalled that jerks like you even manage to get laid and am at a loss for understanding at your ability to look at yourselves in the mirror

so if you have time in between your bitching and complaining and handing out orders maybe you could read this and kindly do the world a favor and go blow your fucking head off

i'm a damn lucky man

I DON'T KNOW HOW I GOT SO LUCKY, OR WHY GOD LOVES ME SO MUCH,BUT I AM GLAD THAT HE DOES,BECAUSE THIS IS THE GORGEOUS WOMAN THAT I GET TO WAKE UP NEXT TO,SPEND MY DAYS WITH,MAKE SWEET PASSIONATE LOVE TO,AND YES KISS ON HER SWEET LIPS EVERY NIGHT BEFORE I CLOSE MY EYES AND GET LOST IN SWEET DREAMS OF HER.SO AT THIS TIME I WOULD LIKE TO GIVE THANKS TO GOD FOR BLESSING ME WITH HER, MY SISTER AND BROTHER-IN-LAW BECAUSE I WAS BABY SITTING AND PLAYING ON THEIR COMPUTER WHEN I MET HER,AND LAST BUT MOST CERTAINLY NOT LEAST

MICHELLE McCormick {OR MC WHORE DICK} WHAT EVER

FOR BEING SUCH A COLD HEARTED, UNGRATEFUL, UNFAITHFUL,LYING,CHEATING,2 DOLLAR WHORE

BECAUSE HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR HER I COULD NOT APPRECIATE THE WONDERFUL WOMAN THAT GOD BLESSED ME WITH NEARLY AS MUCH AS I DO NOW

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY I THANK YOU Amanda FOR TAKING YOUR TIME TO GET TO KNOW THIS ONCE BROKEN HEARTED COWBOY, AND NOT JUST THAT BUT TAKING A CHANCE ON THIS ONCE BROKEN HEARTED COWBOY.

AND THIS IS MY SOLEMN PROMISE TO YOU,I WILL DO WHATEVER YOU ASK OF ME TO SATISFY YOUR EVERY WANT,NEED AND OR DESIRES. I WILL BE FAITHFUL AND TRUE A LOVING CARING AND HONEST HUSBAND IF SOMEDAY YOU WILL HAVE ME AND EVEN A BETTER FATHER FIGURE FOR BOTH OF YOUR LITTLE ANGELS.

THANK YOU Amanda FOR ALL OF THE JOY IN MY HEART

i made it to paradise

it has been just over a month since the LORD blessed me with the woman of my dreams

                         and can u believe i met her on line 

over the course of a couple weeks after we met this wonderful,caring woman made her way into my life and into my heart.i told her that i was going to fix my truck and come to California to sweep her off of her feet but due to circumstances out of my control that was taking longer than expected. so a week and a half ago i said something about just taking a bus , she had already been informed that if i was told ''u won't''

then chances are that   ''i would'' so she told me ''you won't'' that night i had my mom order me a  one way ticket to palm springs but she ordered it one week in advance to save 50 bucks , and you could not imagine how long that week took to pass. i thought that all of my nervousness was over with until we hit indio California , then i felt like a virgin revealing their sexuality for the first time or some other extremely nervous life time event.i saw her as the bus pulled up but when i got off she had disappeared. i started pulling my bags out and tripped over the person behind me, turning to apologize i realized that it had not been a stranger at all that i had tripped over  but the woman who had stolen my heart.as soon as i saw her i pulled her into my arms and kissed her on the neck cheek and then lips.still way nervous we made are way to the car and then to her home. can you believe that just when i though that there were no good women left or at least not one for me, i met Amanda, let me tell you she is not just a good woman but the best woman,and not only that now she is my woman. and i plan on doing everything in my power to give her all that she deserves{and that will be easier said than done because believe me she deserves the world} but on my word as a country boy i'm gonna give it one hell of a try,and we will see just how much of this world i can give her

almost there

good morning world, you know it's just been a little over one year ago that a heartless worthless whore turned a once very secure very confident man into          brknheartedman4

and it has only been a little over a month since the LORD blessed me with a very sexy,  loving ,caring honest woman

who had i not met,i would still probably be lost in that deep cold darkness of hurt and pain

and tomorrow morning i will be getting on a grey hound bus headed to California

to give this wonderful woman all of the love in my heart and all of the passion in my soul

listen closely world this lovely lady is mine, all mine

and fellas i don't share so if this irresistible woman

ever crosses your path just know that she has been given the heart of a jealous rowdy country boy

are we there yet

i swear time has never moved so slow, not in prison , county jail , not even in solitary confinefent.i can't sleep at night but rather toss and turn longing to be in the arms of a woman half way across the country.my only peace of mind is in the fact that sunday morning i will finally get to wrap my arms around her and hold her tightly in my loving arms , but until then it seems as tho time is at a stand still

can time move any slower

  i swear as many times as i have been to jail you would think that waiting a week for a bus wouldnt bother me one bit. wrong i am damn near ready to go completley insane.i would have already except that i get to hear her voice every morning and night,sush a sweet voice, such a sweet name AMANDA i'll be there soon

love on line

                        who would have thought,love could be found on line

                             just writing poems, and clearing my mind

                                 then i met amanda, just chattin on line

                             she helped me get through a lonley dark time

                                 and now she has stolen this heart of mine

ONE MORE DAY CLOSER

                                                                  GOOD MORNING WORLD

                EVEN THO IT IS DARK AND RAINY, I FEEL SUNSHINE WHEN I THINK OF YOU

                 EVEN THO MOST MEN ARE UNFAITHFUL, I PROMISE TO ALWAYS BE TRUE

            AND EVERY TIME THE SUN, GIVES WAY TO THE MOON,THEN I AM ONE DAY CLOSER TO YOU

 

                                                GOOD  MORNING AMANDA

GOOD MORNING SEXY JUST WANTED THE WORLD TO KNOW HOW WONDERFUL YOU ARE AND HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME.I'M GOING BACK TO BED FOR A LITTLE WHILE SO I WILL CALL YOU WHEN I WAKE UP.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

                                                             miles apart

                                  still miles apart, but now it wont be very long

                                 until we are together,in each others loving arms

                                  a tad bit nervous hell maybe even a little scared

                                and i know i'm gonna be restless until i finally get there

                                  i'm not real sure if you really believed i was coming

                                                    or if this was a big suprise

                           but i try to be a man of my word preferring consequences to lies

 

 

            i wrote this little poem for a very special woman in my life a proud,hard working,single mother of two precious little boys who for the last 2 years has had no help from their worthless father.ladies i have a tremendous amount of respect for you raising your kids all by yourselves because of a bunch of cowardly boys parading themselves as men.and fellas this is to all of you yellow bellied pieces of shit making kids and running off cause your to scared to be men. i don't know how you can look yourselves in the mirror when you shave and brush your teeth.your pathetic,turning your back on an innocent child.and if any of you yellow bellied cowards have a problem with that my cell phone number is area code (405)308-2995 it will be turned on tomorrow.to the rest of the world good night.

                       and to AMANDA good night and sweet dreams I'll be there in a week baby