were gonna make it cause i need her

so the night before last Amanda and I got into a pretty big fight over some pretty petty shit that could have been avoided with a little bit of communication.I am a pretty laid back mellow guy and I do my best not to get angry or lose my temper.I love Amanda and the boys and the life that we are trying to build together.It is just that I am a very deep emotional person that has been hurt and crushed so many times.At times I just have to take a little time for me or I become like a fucking time bomb.If I don't  all of my feelings and thoughts come out in the form of anger and depression.Over the years I have learned how to tell when I am getting close or how not to explode or implode.I just hope that Amanda can understand how much I love her and the boys and that we can learn to communicate a little bit better.I also hope that I can get past my trust issues and insecurites.I want to be able to trust Amanda ,I know that not every woman is the same and she shouldn't have to prove anything because of what someone else did but it is like the other night when she said something about going to the bar while I watched the king of the cage fight on pay per view.My heart dropped in to my stomach and then I remembered all of the hurt that I felt when I found out the Michelle had fucked a cab driver on the way home from the bar.Then to make it worse she had an affair with another guy she met at another bar.Who I might add was a bitch ass punk that got his ass smashed out on his own door step  while his neigbors watched,punk.  any ways I don't even know if I could handle her going to the bar but I should be able to