what is it you want/ are you willing to fight for it ?

have you ever woke up and wondered why?why am i going to work today,why am i not getting high,why does it even matter?

i have, i have spent almost 11 years wondering why

sometimes barely holding on to sanity, while sobriety slipped through my hands

other times just wishing that i could kill my self without being damned to hell

many nights  spent in deep thoughts , wondering why, why me?

what did i do to deserve this life, this pain, this heart ache?

and slowly i have come to realize that it wasn't anything that i had done

but what i am going to do.see all of that pain was not punishment but rather preparation.

preparing me to be the man i have become or am becoming. 

and i know exactly what i want and i am more than willing to fight for them. rather that fight be physical, emotional, or even circumstantial

it matters not what or who or when or why. only that they have my heart and for that i am willing to die

so what is it u live, fight and die for

 

i finally got what i wanted

i have done a lot of things in my life lived in a lot of places known a lot of people.

i've sold drugs,shop lifted,robbed,been strung out,sold out, kicked out

and all that i have ever wanted is a good woman and a couple of bad kids

and can you believe it i've been extra blessed with a good woman

                        and two great boys

      so i guess all i'm trying to say is thank you GOD

mommy i don't feel good

i woke up this morning feeling like shit,my nose is stuffy my chest is congested,and i've got real bad heart burn or acid reflux.

but even with all of that going on i feel good and you want to know why

cause when i looked next to me, i saw the most beautiful woman in the world,my woman

                     AMANDA

i got the badest bitch in the world

i don't know what i did to get blessed with my angel, but i thank GOD every i day that i did.

not only does she have a job but she is a very good cook, dedicated mother of two wonderful boys.

and did i mention that she is a wonderful lover

i honestly thought that there were no more women like her left cause she is one of the few good ones that is left

and i'm gonna hold on tight i'm gonna be a passionate lover excellent father trusted companion and intimate friend

i have never known this kind of happiness and i'm not gonna let anything stop me from keeping it

 

in securities caused by a whore still knock at my souls door

well yesterday i discovered that the in securities placed in my heart,etched deep to the soul by a worthless whore with no self control, still haunt me.and i'm not quite sure how to make it go away.i have always been a jealous man, but never without cause.secure in the fact that i am a damn good man,always open to suggestions and willing to go out of the way  to please others.combined with that and my deep rooted emotional scars caused by my dad,made me a little crabby and distant yesterday.but i am bound and determined not to let my issues get in the way of spending my life with the most wonderful woman in the world

         well next to nonie pony, my sister and my mom Debbie

cause the thing is i know that my in securities were not caused by her and I'll be damned if she should have to pay for it.

yet that still leaves me at a loss on how to get my mind and heart right

maybe it's your fault

to all of you men out there that the rest of us country boys get tired of listening to every day at work complaining that all your wife's do is bitch and nag, and your kids are spoiled brats.

   DO ANY OF YOU ASSHOLES EVER STOP TO THINK

                           MAYBE IT'S MY FAULT

of course not, most of you idiots think that all you have to do is come home from work and give orders,and even if your wife doesn't work, if she is at home with kid's all day, yours or not you lazy jerks need to realize that that in itself is an all day job,and quite a bit more stressful than say building a house,or running wire,or working on a vehicle and a lot more demanding,and then to top it off when you get home and your {better half no doubt}wife or girlfriend should be getting to take a break rather it be a bubble bath or a massage.no instead more often than not it's baby will you get me a beer,or what's for dinner,or my back hurts could you rub it.and to you dead beat dads that think because you can't have the woman you don't have to raise your kid's, you make me sick and if i could get away with it, i would hang you yellow bellied bitches from the neck right before i filled you full of bullets for all of the tears that some innocent little boy or girl that you made had to cry because of your cold hearted rejection and abandonment.

to be honest i am shocked and utterly appalled that jerks like you even manage to get laid and am at a loss for understanding at your ability to look at yourselves in the mirror

so if you have time in between your bitching and complaining and handing out orders maybe you could read this and kindly do the world a favor and go blow your fucking head off

i'm a damn lucky man

I DON'T KNOW HOW I GOT SO LUCKY, OR WHY GOD LOVES ME SO MUCH,BUT I AM GLAD THAT HE DOES,BECAUSE THIS IS THE GORGEOUS WOMAN THAT I GET TO WAKE UP NEXT TO,SPEND MY DAYS WITH,MAKE SWEET PASSIONATE LOVE TO,AND YES KISS ON HER SWEET LIPS EVERY NIGHT BEFORE I CLOSE MY EYES AND GET LOST IN SWEET DREAMS OF HER.SO AT THIS TIME I WOULD LIKE TO GIVE THANKS TO GOD FOR BLESSING ME WITH HER, MY SISTER AND BROTHER-IN-LAW BECAUSE I WAS BABY SITTING AND PLAYING ON THEIR COMPUTER WHEN I MET HER,AND LAST BUT MOST CERTAINLY NOT LEAST

MICHELLE McCormick {OR MC WHORE DICK} WHAT EVER

FOR BEING SUCH A COLD HEARTED, UNGRATEFUL, UNFAITHFUL,LYING,CHEATING,2 DOLLAR WHORE

BECAUSE HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR HER I COULD NOT APPRECIATE THE WONDERFUL WOMAN THAT GOD BLESSED ME WITH NEARLY AS MUCH AS I DO NOW

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY I THANK YOU Amanda FOR TAKING YOUR TIME TO GET TO KNOW THIS ONCE BROKEN HEARTED COWBOY, AND NOT JUST THAT BUT TAKING A CHANCE ON THIS ONCE BROKEN HEARTED COWBOY.

AND THIS IS MY SOLEMN PROMISE TO YOU,I WILL DO WHATEVER YOU ASK OF ME TO SATISFY YOUR EVERY WANT,NEED AND OR DESIRES. I WILL BE FAITHFUL AND TRUE A LOVING CARING AND HONEST HUSBAND IF SOMEDAY YOU WILL HAVE ME AND EVEN A BETTER FATHER FIGURE FOR BOTH OF YOUR LITTLE ANGELS.

THANK YOU Amanda FOR ALL OF THE JOY IN MY HEART