working men

so dillan and i have been working our butts off ever since we got home we were stuck at michelles brothers for almost a week but even though  she ran back to her woman beater we all still had a pretty good time. i know dillan did we live out in the country so he doesn't get to play with other kids that often so he had a good time

boo hoo ho

abandoned as a child, accused of unthinkable things , locked in a cage with animals that looked just like men so i guess this is it this is where my story begins

accused of raping my step sister, my own father turned his back

i'm not sure if he ever really believed i did it or was he just securing his harley and covering his own back  ,locked in a juvenile detention

beaten and raped so completly  ashamed that i didn't even want to see my own face upon my release i went to live with  my grandfather but he was way to strict so i went back to my moms

my step dad had a drinking problem and my mom loves to bitch when you cobine the two it eaquals my mom getting hit i tried to protect her i tried to be stong

and just the other day my mother informed me, for that to i was wrong i spent lots of nights walking just me and my dog because it was always me who wound up homeless when carl hit my mom i finally got my lisence and even bought myself a car i was never at home but from my sister i was never far things got worse with each day that passed by i was to young to know it then but most of the reasons were because women cheat and lie i promised my mom if she left him i would help her pay the bills i was working at a pizza joint but when  i started my second job i got pretty strung out i drove my sister to school and the babies to daycare then rushed right home to find some work clothes to wear it didnt take long and we had enough for a trailor that we could call our home cause the sands motel is no kinda home we all got moved in and for once it looked like things would be okay until my mom decided she needed a dope phene stray we bumped heads from the very start he tried to act like my dad[and worthless as he may be] mike couldn't fill the part one night my mother and i had a little fight she kicked me out no big deal happened all the time leave for the night let us both calm down come home tomorrow and work our problems out  i guess i had a death wish lord knows i hated being alive but i guess God doesn't want me dead cause he damn sure knows how hard at death i tried the next morning i really dont remember another one of the Lords miracles that ieven made it home only to have a jobless junkie tell me that this was no longer my home i'm not sure what fucking bill he paid at our fucking house that gave him any fucking right and it did start a fight well if you could call it that a grown man and a 17 year old kid so fucked up i could barely walk damn he's a big man i remember being at the hospital and hearing my p.o say he's going back and that is all it took to make me crack i swallowed 2 bags of pills and pulled out my knife all i really knew was i needed to get out side as i walked out the doors pepperspray spattered my eyes and then i was on the ground that cost me 9 more months of my life but this time i was locked up with a bunch of child molesters two weeks before i turned 18 they finally let me go but drugs were all iknew tha would kill the pain inside of joe i needed money for weed so i stole some money from my grandparents got caught and was homeless again

[i deserved to be thrown out that time] learned a hard lesson from that mistake 10 years later and every time my grampa looks at me it's with that dissappointed face i got my girst apartment but not long after lost my job went from cleaning showers at a truck stop to standing on the corner slangin rocks it wasn't easy being the only white boy selling crack in the hood during all of this i got  pretty strung out i was staying in a motel pimping out this street whore when i decided to call my mom to get clean 

                                                            to be continued i  got shit to do 

MY OWN MAN

i'm my own man, i think for myself , only take advice from my sister and no other no words can describe the bond shared between my sister and her brother

people trying to tell me all of the things that i need to do and i just wish they'd shut the fuck up i live for me not you, you dont have to agree with me but take me as i am cause people trying to change me for that i wont stand i ride my own heat and pay for my own mistakes but all of mikes fucking yap yap yappin is really more than i can take

MORE OF MY INNER ME

IF MY THOUGHTS COULD KILL ME I WOULD HAVE BEEN DEAD ALONG TIME AGO BUT I JUST KEEP ON LIVING , WHY I TORMENT MYSELF LIKE THIS I MAY NEVER KNOW WHETHER IT BE HEART BREAK AND EMOTIONS OR MEMORIES FROM THE PAST AND IF IT'S NOT ANY OF THAT THEN IT'S CAUSE I DID ONE MORE LAST BLAST

WHAT EVER MAY BE THE REASON THE RESULT REMAINS THE SAME

TRY TO KEEP ON SMILING AND HIDING ALL OF THE  PAIN

where is superman at

              i can't seem to find myself , the real me buried deep inside

                          battered and broken, the real me has to hide

                                                so i live how i live

                                         it's no act or a show

                                                             it's just a damn shame

 this is the only i, i seem to be able to show

                          lots of people think they know me

                                                 to them this is who i am

   for some reason they could never imagine that i am really a much better man

for me it's quite the opposite i still see myself as that man and when i really think about it i can't believe i am the way i am i know that i'm better than this

i've done good several times before but when shit gets sideways i only know how to handle it in one way HEAVILY SELF MEDICATE NUMB THE PAIN AWAY

soft whispers

soft loving whispers, all turn out to be lies

          how can such a cold heart, live behind such beautiful eyes

she tells you she loves you , your all she'll ever need

       then before you know it this bitch is telling you to leave

emotions

joy seems to escape me but my pain is always there

   happiness flees from me, but hurt is always prepared

love loves to mock me, with women who do not care

how much more can i take

                   how much more must i bare