well i have not had much time to write in my journal because i have to many bills to pay and i am doing my damnest to not break the law i tell you it is real hard some times when your overdrawn and you have bills to pay but i serve a mighty mighty God who is more than capable of providing a way.
my puppy dog smoke is getting big i love her so much when i'm driving home i can not wait to get there so we can play
well i didnt do anything yesterday i felt like shit and spent most of the day on the couch trying not to vomit i'm waiting for my sister to get home from taking my nephews to school so i can go make some money work is real slow right now and i cant afford it so i'm trying to make up the difference
some times it feels like thats all i've ever done is make up the difference but the difference is now i'm not breaking the law to do so and it is a lot harder to do so
but i believe in fairy tales my faith and hope levels are high and i know i'm gonna make it
i cant believe i'll never hear my partner squeal up outside or have him call me at 3 am and need me right then i'll never see his smile again it still seems un real that i have lost my friend.
i was getting ready to go scrap some metal and pulled up my myspace page and there was jay's slide show and as i watched my heart yearned to hear him laugh or to hear him say dont act like a scary bitch
but thats not why i cry these tears i cry these tears because the world will never see jason the way a few of us knew him so loving and giving
most of the people who claim to be his friends never knew him they never saw him cry cause he felt like he was letting his parents down
jay was one of the most talented artist i've ever met and smart as anyone i know but he couldnt bring himself to believe in him
jay was as bright as any star when he was happy he would do anything for a friend and brother i miss the hell out of you
it was like 36 degrees this morning and has been fucking cold all day work has been slow i only got like 25 hours last week and this week is worse
i should be out side scrapping metal but instead i'm talking to amanda and i'm not really sure why she has made it clear that she is done and has been done and all she does is talk shit i'm talking to her now and she is talking shit
well it's about time to get some work done
so i told duvacha and i didnt talk to her yesterday or the day before i texted her the night before last she never responded so it's whatever.
amanda was on line yesterday so i hit her up we talked a while and today she wouldn't answer or call back thats parr for course.
works been slow since we've been back but i've got side jobs so the Good Lord has been providing life is good i got a puppy a durango and land . i'm clean and sober and i feel great
walking down the streets, just another lonely town
walking by myself couples in love all around
all these lovely ladies, adoring eyes for their man
sometimes it's almost more than this lonley countryboy can stand
couple after couple walking hand in hand always breaks the heart of this
BROKEN HEARTED MAN
isolated, withdrawn, utterly alone my only relief my families voice on the phone
i kick it in crowds but real friends i have few lets take a count
nonie and d i count 2 one my sister 2 the man by her side
so if we can't count family i guess i'm a friendless guy
