ANOTHER DAY

so i guess i didn't write in here that i told kari that i wasn't really feeling it, i write, think and feel so much that when i finish an entry most of the time i dont even know what i wrote, any how we are still talking, i have not had the gas to go see her but we still talk everyday and i guess it is not that i'm not feeling it i've just got so much going on with work, trying to go back to college and deciding wich one to go to because of where my land is compared to where my work is, so on and so forth

i spoke with amanda the other night and i guess she hurt herself at work,pretty bad i guess something about a compression fracture on her spine, but the mouthy bitch makes it hard for someone to even feel sorry for her. she is always talking shit, hell she even tries to or does actually call me an idiot all the time, but like i keep reminding her i'm not living in an apartment that the goverment reduces my rent at i am buying land, quite a bit of land actually, and to this point my college G.P.A is a what, oh yeah thats right 4.0

but don't let me brag just yet that is only one semester, but my guess is at the end of next semester it will still be a 4.0 cause that is my goal and i am a determined driven person, who is not an idiot

 

FIRST DAY

well today was my first day working with bruce, well not really i've done jobs for him but this is my first time to work for bruce full time, the work wasn't hard, the day wasn't to long and the pay is decent, so i guess this will work as i work my way through college to my desired goal of being a drug counselor and minister to athiest and agnostic believing people.

on another note i put in my journal that i told kari that it wasn't going to work cause i had planned on doing it that night and never did she called before dinner and actually it was good to hear her voice so maybe i wont break up with her

i've just went through three failed attempts at a relationship right now i'm to emotionally exhausted to even begin to try and love someone and idont want to be with anyone unless it is out of love and desire and i've seemed to have exhausted my love and desire i still have lustful desires but thats not what i'm after

life is good

so it has been a long hard bumpy road, nothing easy every day a struggle just to stay sober and strong more failurers than successes more loss than gain but i'm still standing just the same.

there has been a lot of women some phony ass tricks, some whores in bathrooms sucking my dick.

this year my heart has been broken and my body has been beat and i'm still standing just a little unsteady but on my feet

i lost a dear friend a soldier, a brother, barley made it off of parole and pissed off my mother i went to san fran and lost my job in los alamos and still i continue to chief yes i still smoke to all of my loved ones many thanks watch me shine it's finally my day

sex on a greyhound bus

so ted got to drunk to get on the bus in new mexico so i sit next to this girl kari we had  had a couple of drinks together before we got on the bus,anyways somewhere between alberqurci and amirillo we moved to the back of the bus where i d-boed a seat so we could fuck we kicked it a little bit since we've been in oklahoma but the truth is i'm not feeling it

i've been talking to amanda and even though she is a raging bitch i still feel it for her all the guys at work were always like why u still talking bout that trick the truth is i love her and her boys

but any how i'm just focusing on me and work and college and whatever comes along

I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS SHIT

so friday after we got back to the motel for lunch after our ladder training my bosss called me to his room and told me that i didn't pass my piss test after all

i had to go to ocupational medicine with john he is like a site manager any ways i asked for copies of my lab results from my u/a and was told that the goverment owned those result and that i could make a request in writing and they may or may not adress it

so they sent me home on a buss so i went from making 32 dollars an hour to being un employed with all kinds of bills isn't life funny like that

so i met a girl in new mexico

so last night i met this girl she seems pretty cool she stayed the night i took her to eat chinese and then we went to the bar to shoot some pool, my partner ted said he wanted to stay and have a drink so krista and i went back to the room ted wound up in a messs and caleed me when i got there things had settled down so krista and i came back to the room  i couldn't sleep cause i had this bad feeling so i went back to the bar as i aproached i heard a confrontation this young guy had followed ted outside and was causing a problem i got the guy to stop but ted sucker punched him long story short ted went to jail, i bonded him out this morning but he still lost his job so now i'm stuck spending all of my per diem on my room and having to use some of my check to live on but as of today i have made a little over a thousand dollars this week so i'm still cool plus that gives krista and i the room to ourselves so it's all good

I PASSED

so we got our results back yesterday and i passed i am so damn happy you would not even believe so no more poking the smot for me