damn i think i got strep throat

so i have been coughing for two days and my lil sister went to the doctor and has strep throat so i think i got strep throat i can not afford to get sick i got work and school and i just dont have time to be sick

so i fucked up

so i got high over spring break and two weeks ago i got high again and every one found out about it my mom is mad cause i apologized to my lil sister and not her yet it was more cause rachel needed it right then i heard from a friend of hers that she was really pissed off i try so hard and still manage to always fall short but not short in distance but short by weight 0.25 grams or other wise known as 25 cents

the truth is

last night i wrote some things that may be construed as offensive the truth is i was mad and hurt. i have done nothing wrong and the truth is i do love amanda and as much as i love her i love her boys twice that much this morning i was getting my lil brother ready for school and could not stop thinking about jerimiah and jonothan

but should i feel bad about being a single man, i think not i am single, hard working and good looking man and so what if sometimes i whore around i'm single does that negate my love for amanda no but should i wait for a woman who has no love for me no

damn damn damn

so i partied way to much over spring break but i went to two bad ass parties, but i wound up in bed with someone i shouldn't have, now class has started back and english comp two looks like it's gonna be way harder than comp one and comp one kicked my ass i made an 85 which blew my 4.0 out of the water

then last night my mom and i got into it which caused so much pain that i normally have a handle on to break loose. had it not been for my land and truck being in my brother in laws name and my phone being in my sisters name i would have left last night and just drove until i couldnt drive anymore

it's just that here everyone brings up my past and my mistakes and very few people even seem to notice that aside from my addiction and my temper, I believe that i am real close to being what God calls us to be. I'm not fake or phony i'm one of the most giving and loving person that a person could ever meet. i will do anything for my family or a friend, keep in mind that i have very few FRIENDS i have buddies and homies but if i call you my friend than know that i would kill for you or die for you without hesitation or thought

my mom said that my addiction had become a lifestyle where as my sister knew moderation the difference is my sister never got kicked out of our house for trying to protect our mom when she was being tossed around or spit on but i did no less than once a month from the time i was 14 to 17. where does a person that age go when they have no place to go THEY GO ANYWHERE THEY CAN and more often than not its dope houses or if its a girl its perverted old men

my mom said she had drug problems with me before the berry house i smoked pot that was it but i went to church volunteered my time building church of the rock and helped them remodel a night club into a worship center and youth center and came home one night to have my every hope and dream torn apart

and now that im finally starting to dream and do right nothing i ever do is right im always in the way honestly last night i was a close to being suicidal as i have ever been and had it not been for nonie and rachel i dont know what i would have done i'm not saying i would have killed my self but im sure i would have fucked off everything i have accomplished and probably not even cared well i was supposed to be studying so holla

BEEN A WHILE

well it's been a while since i wrote a real entry i have been extremely busy but this week end ill update you on my life

a popem a wrote but just found

hide the fact that i failed again

no one knows

but i just cant pretend

up and down all these different roads

for what reason only God knows

try as i may, i just cant figure it out

what is this life really supposed to be about

try to obey and just do right

and still addiction is a daily fight

not a loser known by my wins

but addiction kicks my ass

time and time again

not a quitter

yet i always seem to fail

most of the time i create my own

personal hell

spring break is over

so now spring break is over and i have to start two new classes so now it's back to assholes and elbows nothing but work and school for 8 weeks. and i want to still try and keep everything else at a 4.0 G.P.A but if i dont make it at least i know that i gave it my best and that is all that really matters