so when i thought i had H.I.V my sister wrote some really touching poems in her journal i just kept reading them and reading them over and over again, wondering how i could be so stupid, and i still havent figured that one out. but i decided to write a little something about the force that drives me, and that force should be God, and he does drive me, but that force is my sister nonie, our whole lives there is nothing that she would ask me for that i didnt give, her accept sobriety. then when i thought my addiction had caused me a slow, horrible death, what did joe do, ill give u one guess I GOT HIGH can u say dumb ass. and i was reading my sisters poems and looking at pics and crying and just wondering how can i be a hero to nonie and rachel and even my cousin chris, im not hero materiel, im still that scared little boy that cant stay sober. im going to college to be a drug counselor as i sit here and smoke a bowl of pot and write about my recent relapse, what the fuck is wrong with me. sometimes i think ill never get it right. and i wonder why i even try, then i see nonie or my nephews, illtalk to my brother in law that has went out on limb after limb, and loves me, and even with every mistake he believes in me. when my cousin chris told me i was his real life hero, it exploded inside me, i always wanted his life, his mom and dads got money their together still, u know one big happy family, chris grew up in the american dream. although are paths in life pretty much go the same way even though we had different up bringings. on rachels myspace i am her hero, i just wish i could deserve to be that hero
Thursday, August 21, 2008
how can i be
how can i ever be
this i man i see
standing in the mirror looking at me
laughing like its a joke
he says im chasing a dream
but i wont succeed
i want to prove him wrong
but i cant even put down the bong
how can i be the man God sees
home for lunch
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
WAITING ON COUNTERTOPS
Monday, August 18, 2008
what do i do
so i met this girl i like, and normally i send people my journal but i am scared to death that it will be to much but i guess that means that i would be to much which is normally the case.i send my journal to people cause i want them to know that real me, un cut and raw.
people can either love me or hate me but they cant say i was generic or fake, i try to just be me and most of the time that is to much for people to take
amanda is on another one of her kicks she sent me an e mail saying that we should go our seperate ways hell we did that over a year ago but i have always tried to still be around for her boys even though i am 1800 miles away they need positive male encouragement and guidance
I SERVE A MIGHTY GOD
SO IM CLEAN NO H.I.V
in so many ways im still kinda shocked but i know God has always kept me safe, i quit smoking pot as of today and im really getting my life focused like it should be, I have been blessed so many times in so many ways it is time to stop taking that for granted
