so when i thought i had H.I.V my sister wrote some really touching poems in her journal i just kept reading them and reading them over and over again, wondering how i could be so stupid, and i still havent figured that one out. but i decided to write a little something about the force that drives me, and that force should be God, and he does drive me, but that force is my sister nonie, our whole lives there is nothing that she would ask me for that i didnt give, her accept sobriety. then when i thought my addiction had caused me a slow, horrible death, what did joe do, ill give u one guess I GOT HIGH can u say dumb ass. and i was reading my sisters poems and looking at pics and crying and just wondering how can i be a hero to nonie and rachel and even my cousin chris, im not hero materiel, im still that scared little boy that cant stay sober. im going to college to be a drug counselor as i sit here and smoke a bowl of pot and write about my recent relapse, what the fuck is wrong with me. sometimes i think ill never get it right. and i wonder why i even try, then i see nonie or my nephews, illtalk to my brother in law that has went out on limb after limb, and loves me, and even with every mistake he believes in me. when my cousin chris told me i was his real life hero, it exploded inside me, i always wanted his life, his mom and dads got money their together still, u know one big happy family, chris grew up in the american dream. although are paths in life pretty much go the same way even though we had different up bringings. on rachels myspace i am her hero, i just wish i could deserve to be that hero
