this girl

so this girl in my class asked me last night if we could study together i told her sure, now im wondering if its studying she really wants or does she have ulterior motives and if she does have ulterior motives, is she wanting a man or just someone to boink her. i guess ill find out tonight, it would be nice to find a significant other i am tired of being lonely

does it ever get better

as if being sick were not enough, and not being able to afford my fines, or being able to get a tag now my radiator is leaking. i cant afford a new radiator hell i cant afford a used radiator. plus i am moving in 6 weeks. i am really stressed out, did i mention my love life sucks ass. can i not meet a good girl i met this girl i have been talking to at the park and she doesn't like kids, how can u not like kids seriously i even like bad kids, how can a person look at a child and feel hate or dislike, i cant even be friends with a person like that really. any ways wah wah wah i sound like a cry baby huh

on a very positive note i am supposed to have like 10 kids going to church w/ me tomorrow, and even if i have to fill my radiator up with water at every block ill get them there, there are still just several things i need to get right in my life, my temper and unbridled tongue to start with, i need to quit smoking, shit i went from cigs to cigars and honestly i cough worse now

i do feel a little better since i have been hitting the weights again but i haven't really been consistent with it, u know life happens

well i said i was gonna blog some of my loder entries that i wrote down but maybe not im not so sure im comfortable with that

old entries

so homework is going slow but i found an entry from dec 22 2003 right before i went to prison

sometimes when i wake up i feel destined to do great things and sometimes when i wake up just being alive fills me with hate, i think that my calling is to help teenage kids to make better choices in their life my only problem is that im always broke and how can i run a center when im always high on crank and coke. if i could just get this needle out of my arm i could teach others to do the same living life with a needle in your arm steals all of your ambitions and dreams, and in life there are so much more important things

still feel like hell

i have been sick since last week and i still feel like hell. My boss had to take his wife to the hospital so we are taking the day off and i didnt complain even though i couldnt afford to miss any work. i have some study notes to do before class on thursday and 2 chapters to read so im gonna get that done then go through some of my old journals and find some entries to post a reminder of why i struggle so hard now to change and better my life

uhhhh

man i feel like shit this head cold has really kicked my ass, and on top of that now today my stomach is all upset. I feel like im gonna hurl everywhere and i have to leave for work in like 20 minutes, so i should prolly be getting my shoes on. i missed work Wednesday cause it was raining and i didnt wanna work in the rain with this bad ass cold, so i definitely cannot miss today, i still havent published any of my entries that are wrote down inmy spirals but i will get around to it

wow i wrote a lot

so i pulled out all of my old journals (the ones in spiral notebooks) to show my lil sister damn i forgot how many i had ive got like 3 bags and 9 or ten journals per bag, I am going to read through them and post some old entries, but there sure is some crazy shit in those old journals