life

has been crazy dustin and i got in to it and he kicked me out so i have been staying with candy she wants to be with me or maybe she just wants to be with someone either way im just not mushy in love with her i dont feel like she is my fairy tale i wish she could be that would be great for me but im not feeling it but at the same time i dont want to leave

shes on her way

so i was trying to nap and lacey called and said she was headed to tecumseh to check on this job so i asked if she was coming by she said yes she had something to show me. i have no idea what it could be but i will just be happy to see her, well i say that sometimes when we are together i dont know what to think or how to act i guess there are just so many sides to me and i already showed her one side she was not to impressed with so now sometimes i have a hard time just being me any numbers of me lol that almost makes me sound crazy but in my life i have related it back to the Scripture " I can be all things in Christ who created me" and I am all things, and at the same time I am nothing nothing more than his creation but being in his creation I can be anything i have to be when i need to be if that makes any damn sense to u

like a lop i sit and wait

thats isnt gonna call, yet knowing that, i still sit and wait and fight with all the power i have inside of myself not to break down and call her. when i pray its not for things i pray for the virtues of christ, patience, love, kindness, basically my prayer are for unbelievers and restoration of myself, except the occasional prayer that God blss me with the one thing i want so badly and that is a lovely, soldier of a wife, in the words of haystak baby suzy q good with an oven and a oozie too, my only desire is that i have a good wife and a couple of bad kids lol i love saying that becaause one thing i know my kids will be good, raised with love kindness respect and dicipline but most importantly with the love of God but im called to live by faith and i try so damn hard maybe it is im not ready for them yet God know and thats what matters when He is ready, or maybe when im ready he will put everything in place

did she want to see me or just use my computer

so im not sure if lacey came to see me or just use my computer either way i guess it matters not i just had breakfast now im waiting for math class to start. i absolutley love days that i have class, i get here early eat breakfast then do my class thing, i guess im job hunting cause im not playing the games that these tricks i call my bosses are playing the day before yesterday i was mad enough to go knock her teeth down her throat for hanging up on me and i cant work for anyone that makes me that angry cause i get to thinking on things and get angry then i act a fool so blow all that off. one thing i do know is ill make it i always do thats how i do it many thanks be to God for giving me the strength and patience to endure

lacey just left

so lacey just left and man does she drive me crazy, i cant really figure her out at one time well nevermind all that my professor, mentor, and good friend dr. armold told me one time easy does it, and he is so right its just sometimes i have a hard time with easy does it im the rough and tough to the point kinda guy, im learning patience and gentleness as i get older but im still quite rough around the edges

so im waiting for lacey i watched a movie last night that resembled our relationship and i couldnt stop thinking about her anyways she promised she was coming so we will see im not sure im fighting a worthwhile fight or setting myself up for a painful heartbreak but when its all said and done ill know i fought not ran well back to hmework i go cause i do tend to run from that lol

so anyways

i went out with this girl named penny i met from work but i dont think we will ever work out cause she sees drinking as a relapse, i however got drunk as fuck last night. i dont normally drink unto drunkeness but last night i did i dont see me drinking a beer as a relapse. im a rcovering addict from meth not alcohol. and i dont ever see me being an alcoholic. i normally act stupid when i get drunk as do most people, only thing is i dont really like acting stupid or having to apologize and the truth is i normally end up doing both when i drink so thats no good for me.i like penny and i had fun i just see us being friends because we believe so differently on such a big issue, with her being a recovering addict herself i dont want to be the cause of any weak moment for her that is for sure she has 2 years of sobriety, where as i am working on 2 weeks again. not that i have ever really put a date on my sobriety my sponsor says i need to like a birthday for me i try not to think about the last time i used i keep my focus more on the last time i say no and i try to keep that ahead of the last time i use doesnt always work however. maybe i do need to see a doctor maybe i do need some meds i think i just need a good wife and some bad kids lol anyways im up early and not sure why but i do have lots to do today so peace