its as if we never happened

those are probably the 6 most painful words i have ever heard Amanda and i got into a fight the night before last and she threw me out.After that things got a little physical. I accidentally busted her lip but i did not punch her i threw her on the bed.her mom and step dad came because she told them that i beat her up i spent the night in a run down motel missing her but every time that i called she told me that it was as if we never happened and that i needed to catch a bus back to oklahoma it was so hard not to do dope with the bitch in the next room over and if i was not so scared of going to hell i believe i would have probably killed myself.I finally got drunk enough to sleep but was still awake at about 3:30 am and started calling again.i fell back asleep nd when i woke up it was like 7:30 so i called her job they said that she was not there so i called her home number and didn't get any answer so i got dressed and walked to the mohawks i knocked and then rang the door bell.she came to the window and saw that it was me and then just said hell no and shut the window.she told me taht she never wanted to see me again.when her step dad came to get me to work me a couple of hours and then take me to the bus stop i was very drunk and in a state of deep depression and anger he made arrangents for me to get my cell phone.once it was charged enough to use i started calling amanda at first she was still cold but by time i got to the bus station she was starting to calm down she finally decided to come get me as the bus was pulling up.but when she got there before i put my bags in the car she told me that she had been talking to some guy over the internet named adam and that she gave him our number and that if he called i better not give her any problems and to be honest i still have a big problem with that because while i was gone i had no desire to talk to anyone but her and she wanted to talk to anybody but me.she has a problem with this 45 year old woman that i talked to before i ever met her and she has been nothing but a good friend to me.I just hope that Amanda knows what i gave up to stay here with her.I had a damn good job already lined up loading and un loadind big rigs for my best friend since i was 16 pete formally known as the pooh bear.it pays 12 dollars an hour and our first trip was gonna be 3 weeks in vegas.but i just could not bring myself to leave if she wanted me to stay but if she kicks me out again then i will be gong home to no job and way out in the middle of no where where it is hard to get a job with out a drivers license. I know this much as i pulled up to the bus stop in indio i just wanted to cry because it was that very parking lot where i held her in my arms for the very first time. the very first place our lips first met.and as i pulled in i knew that the trip home was gonna be a lot longer journey than the trip to finally meet the one that i love. because every mile that that bus traveled away from her and the boys i knew my heart would grow colder and darker,until it was finally the stone heart that it once was from the time i was 15 until i was 18.and all of the people that knew that joe  will tell you that he was not a real good guy. i mean if you were close you were okay but if not you were subject to be a victim to my pain and violence and it was not pretty.but she came and got me so now we just have to work a little harder i guess. i know in my heart she is worth fighting for and when i fight for something i dont lose often, but for some reason when it comes to the love in my heart i always wind up broken and defeated