issues

so i am not quite sure what to do about my father. i do love him but i can no longer be his scape goat or second to a ruthless cold bitch that destroyed my life and his for that matter he is so unhappy and i know the things that i have to say to him are going to hurt him but that is not my fault and i promise there is nothing that i could ever say to him or do to him that could ever come close to the pain that him and his wife has caused me.i was not a bad child i did not do well in school but i did my chores and babysat the kids polished his Harley helped him change brakes.and even though i was constantly kicked out of school i was at church every Sunday and Wednesday and volunteered remodeling old night clubs into Christian youth clubs.

okay new subject my insecurities and doubts are eating me alive, maybe it is because every time i get shit going for me and buy a home or start buying land something always happens and i lose everything and i have not had very good  experiences in relationships.

i love Amanda and i honestly don't believe that Amanda would cheat on me, but i also did not believe that she could be as cold to me as she was the night she kicked me out or the next morning when i came to wake her up, i had to see her but she had no desire to see me.

blah blah blah enough whining I'm going to bed