when your best just isnt good enough

when your best isnt good enough and no one understands, they say just forget about it move on and be a man. but they were at home in their cozy beds while my life was being stripped away, one thrust at a time. and for 15 years now no matter how high i get i cant erase the memories from my mind. they say ive made no progress but to that i disagree. because no matter how broke ive been i still havent made meth to make it. i wish that i were stronger, but how strong can one man be, i didnt ask to be a big brother, but ive tried to be the best one that i can be, im sorry that im not stronger and i really wish this could be about everyone else but quite frankly it is not, i know i need to be a better role model for rachel and mary and for dylan and jeremy and christopher, and all i can tell them is enjoy being young stay in school and stay away from drugs, cause i dont really remember being young. i mean kinda i remember hunting and good times then i remember my parents splitting up and although there were good times after that most of those are few and far between the times i was passed back and forth and then the berry house then drugs then highpointe and yes excuses are like assholes and to be honest ive never really tried to make excuses for it i get through each day the best i can and im sorry that through the holidays my family suffers but i promise you this i dont think the pain they know through the holidays match mine maybe it does and i wasnt to high to come in and visit i tried to come in and visit and mom was going off but i did get high through the holidays so yes another broken promise from a brknheartedman i always try to do better and honestly i cant even figure out why but im cold and tired and done crying for the day