400

so this is my 400th entry, where has time gone? so many things have happened in theses last 400 entries. So much love, so much joy, so much pain, so much sunshine and so much rain. I have shared my heart and fears with the world since the begining of 2007. I have been asked why so many times why would you want people to know these things about you. I dont write for them i write for me. This is one of my anti drugs. As you can tell by reading, it doesnt always work but it helps not just with my addiction but more so for my depression. People say I should see a doctor or get on medicine. Who knows maybe they are right, but I dont really like doctors, and I dont wanna have to take medicine. I just want to know the happiness I once felt, not so many years ago for such a short time, the happiness that made me know i can do this without drugs or committing crimes to make it. Was it her love for me, my love for her, was it my love for her sons, honestly I can not answer that question. All I know is I had an inner strngth during that time that shined so bright and I was definatly high on her love. but all this is sounding like blah blah blah. I dont know where Lacey and I stand, she is supposed to be calling but whether she actually does or not is another question all together. How did I let myself start to fall after three years of not falling for anybody three years of not caring for anybody and in less than a month this little redneck girl has taken my heart by storm but all i see coming is a really bad heart break. so the real question is why why am I still calling her or waiting for her calls, why dont i just cut it off no call it quits. The answer is Im that guy that believes in the impossible after all my bull shit i still believe in fairy tales im not saying shes mine cause honestly i may have lost my fairy tales in the desert years ago, or maybe she lost hers years ago. maybe we just lost each other or maybe we lost nothing at all who is to really say