we leave in the morning

so we leave at 6 am for san francisco my hotel is right on the beach,the room is free and i get money to live on, plus i'll be making between 1100 to 1500 dollars dollars a week bring home. i'll be gone a month to a month in a half.

amanda is back to not talking to me cause i fucked serena, you know what once again her loss i am an atractive young and single man with a good job buying land and getting ready to own my own home.

any ways serena left today she wants to try again but i can't , i wont she left when i needed her the most, not once but twice

and to my family, my heart thank you all so very much

 

well she raped me

so i said i didnt think i was gonna let serena rape me but she did any ways it's kind of hard to argue with unbridled lust and passion.

besides i am single and it's not like i was out chasing tail i had sex with a woman that i spent 6 years of my life with and had i not went to prison it would be 8 years, she hasn't been with anyone else which is more than i can say for myself or either one of my ex's since her.

i'm not gonna say my heart didn't flutter when i spoke with amanda and the boys cause God knows it did,but i can't put my life or even sexual desires on hold for a woman who has really shown no kind of interest in even talking about us having a future together

i can't sleep

so i can't sleep i've tossed and turned all night long and now i just gave up on sleep and got out of bed.everyone else is asleep so i am trying not to wake them and trying to sort out the emotions in my heart all at the same time

could it be

could there still be a chance or am i setting my self up for another heart break only time will tell

i know for there to be a chance she would have to come here cause i have a bad ass job that i'm not gonna give up land that i'm not gonna lose and a family that i dont want to live away from

 

so i heard her voice again

so i spoke to the boys and then amanda this evening now i dont think i will be able to  let serena rape me. my sister asked me what i was doing breaking my heart all over again and honestly i dont know but it was good to hear her voice

i love my job

so i havent been on line in a week or so i have been staying in okc so that i could ride a bike 16 miles to work every day. the guy who got me the job and was supposed o pick me up went to jail again and i was not gonna let that fuck up my job now i'm buying nonies old ford pick up. it is a good thing to because carl and i got in to it last night so i cant stay in the city any more i found out that when we are out of state i'll be making a prevailling wage  that ranges from 18  to 37 dollars an hour

aunt debbie got married last week and i thought i was going to jail cause sierra was there and she came up and hugged me and her mom went nuts

serena is coming to  visit she is driving here from kentucky as we speak she told me the other day that if i didnt make love to her she was gonna rape me i told her that being raped sounded kinda exciting right now she will be her between 6 pm and 9 pm