never anytime any more

i never have much time to write anymore im always so busy with work and school and trying to pay bills let me emphasize trying to pay bills i always seem to be behind but God will bless and keep me secure

trying so hard

well Amy and I are trying to go in on some land with my sister and dustin but we still have an eight thousand dollar gap to close but it is really great land 14 acres lots of trees and 3 electric hook ups and 3 water hook ups so please be praying for us as for my education still on the honor roll

sitting in photo class

so i started working at carl's jr yay im a bonafide biscuit maker, but its at least a job so now maybe amy and i can get caught up again and hopefully get moved to our land. i am waiting for the instructor to say anything that pertains to me. okay time to get busy.

gotta love it

when life constantly throws curve balls at you, working your life away with nothing to show for it. wah wah wah i know get over it thats life one day it will all make sense.

Please help me God

Im doing all that I can and I am sinking what does God really want from me why do some people have it so easy and i cant get a break oh well blah blah blah i say

sitting in class

so im in class supposed to be doing a test review but to me it all sounds like blah blah blah for real so i will just do this shit when i get home. i got to work yesterday and i have work for tomorrow but still nothing steady but I do know that GOD always provides and he never gives me more than I can bare anyways i better pretend to pay attention

why me always me

So I got laid off wednesday just when i thought i was going to be caught up and be able to move a trailor on our land in september. Now I am job hunting again which is no easy feat not having a license, being a felon, and being in college. when i find someone who will overlook my felonies they cant match my schedule and if they can match my schedule they cant hire felons. it is beyond frustrating. On a positive not Amy and I are great and honestly we have been doing much better since justin moved. sorry bout his luck but it is nice having our quiet home back. Just Amy, Cameron, and I. well im in class so i better listen lol

Been a while

so it has been a while life has been really hectic, I had taken in a 16 year old kid who needed help and this last weekend he went back to his moms who is still on dope. I feel like I have wasted a whole lot of time, energy and money. He hasn't even returned any of my calls. as for amy and I we are still good well im in class so i better get back to listening

hell yeah

so my buddy chris called me the other day he is in the band project 57 and just got off tour with korn and i believe he leaves with Lynard skynard this week anyways he is gonna see what it will cost to come play mine and Amy's wedding that will be cool an almost famous band at our reception.
so i took on a third job this week trying to get this lil apt complex in order if things work out i will be an on site manager with a salary but we will see only god knows what our future has in store all i knowis that i am completly satisfied it is so nice to have a help mate even though amy works full time as a cna she still goes with me after work to work trimming trees or roofing or these apt she is all about us
all i can say is thank GOD i have waited long enough and been with enough spoiled bitches and whores its nice to finally have a sexy lil country girl

Marriage

so Amy and I are going to get married probably easter of next year, whatever day she want the day doesnt really matter to me i just want to be married to her. I have been so happy the last 3 months happier than i have ever been i dont think i ever truly experienced love until now and now that i have it i never want to lose it

last night

so amy got super drunk last night and hit me in the face with her flip flop, then on the way home told me just to drop her and her kids off and me and justin could get the fuck out. she didnt remember any of it this morning of course i didnt leave i love her and knew she was just drunk or at least i hope thats all it was. when i told her what she had said she almost started crying. she has apologized like 20 times today im not tripping on it though sometimes these things happen well im in class i better get to taking notes college is a lot harder when your in love and u have kids to keep happy and fed and sheltered but such is life and even though college is a lil harder my life has been a lot more fulfilled

have i found my fairy tale

I hear people say they dont beleve in fairy tales, or that im a fool for still believing but i think i may have found mine. I have never been so happy in my life and on top of that i am clean and sober and it isnt even a thing no desires no hating sobriety i love sobriety and here lately i love life. I started dating one of my sisters friends amy and after i stayed the first week end i have never left. i gathered up my clothes to come home and amy was like what are you doing. she says im stuck she is never gonna let me get away. I hope she means it cause i could never have imagined such happiness could even exist, but it does and i never want to live life the way i used to when with her life is full of so much more.
on a not so positive note due to all of the drama last semester i wound up with a c on my transcript. i was so depressed about it for a while cause not only did i get a c but i also got a B i expected 4 A's but instead i only got 2 A's and those lesser grades i already mentioned but im okay with it now it is what it is and thats all it is

so so tired

I am so so tired, beyond tired im so exhausted and i havent got to see desi in several days brcause of not having the gas it can be very frustrating. im getting ready for work now i know i have the gas o get there but im not sure if i have enough to get home well im moving slow this morning so i better get around

Life is one trial after another and sometimes i wonder why me Lord. Why is this the part you gave me. Other times I feel so blessed that he loves me that much and has that much for me, then my doubts set in. they laugh and they say that what im trying to do is a joke how could someone like u do something like that. Truth is I know I cannot but I know that you can then I ask myself again why me. I cant do this everyone is against me my only peace is knowing that if u are for me then who can stand against me but they do stand, not for long why am i so weak in faith when you have shown me so much given me so much and protected me so often father i pray that your will be done through me that my stubborn flesh submit to the spirit of your will in the name of your precious precious glory i do pray that i can if not walk at least crawl in the likeness of his purity pauseing only to wash the feet of your salvation, the feet that i dirty with my sin and the blood that was given for it as well, forgive my weaknesses and grant me strength that i may continue the work you started in me, the fullfillment of your will for me that i may not be decieved by the accuser and believe his lies but rather ignore his meaningless shouts, and listen to your gentle whispers of wisdom and truth

ready for church

well im up and getting ready for church jason and rosie is going to pick me up because my car wont start because i havent made my payment im hoping that the catholic church will help me monday because im sinking drowning and do not know what to do. but i know this much im just gonna keep up my faith and know that God will not let me fail

ahh

so desiree left me a beautiful poem on my joirnal. actually everyday she leaves me a little poem on my phone it is really sweet and she has a talent for spiritual poetry that i love. Dakota called me dadadadada the day before yesterday that lil boy really loves my truth is i dig him as well, i have been doing homework all day, fun fun but i had been getting behind then it happened i got behind lol but im catching up on homework and rest

my silent prayer f the morning

Father let me understand the truths of your words, make my ways straight and narrow, but give me love from the great depths of your mercy. why you have chosen me ill never understand unless u show me. so my only parayer is let thy will be done through me

i like her style

so i like her style, she is patient and caring, i really enjoy her poetry and dakota is awesome. Im just taking my time to get to know her and let her get to know me a lil piece of my crazy puzzle at a time lol well onto homework

oh praise report rosie and jason are doing better i really hope they take my advice and get spiritual marital counseling i my sister and dustin take that same advice but my prayers are being answered my sister is drawing nearer to Jesus and His truths

so i have not wrote in a while

I am still leaning on faith and wondering how my past due bills fines and loans are going to get paid. I have been talking to a girl named desiree and she has a son named dakota who is 7 months old and he loves him some joe im just taking my time and getting to know her right now she is a really caring compassionate person. a woman who loves god and the things of god.

On a not so happy note I am worried about jason and rosie they have been having problems and i really think they need to get with a pastor and do marital counseling but that is merely my opinion but my prayers are with them

friends like him

it is truly a blessing to have friends like jason his wife rosie and their kids. The type of friends that help to keep your head, faith and spirit right. Those type of friends are rare and special and i count myself blessed evrytime they call or we are able to spend time in fellowship. Now when i say fellowship dont think i mean the churchy kind although in most ways it is. when we fellowship it is not forced or scheduled we can go fishing or just be in a parking lot and the Holy spirit moves and we fellowship through meeting the knight family so many truths of the spirit have been revealed to me. i will be posting some poetry that Jason wrote in the next few days so those who read keep reading cause it will be a spiritual treat

got mt rv home

so several trips and lots of hard work oh and the worries of getting pulled over and losing it all my home on wheels is finally home its not much but it is mine and that is what really matters right. well we are spending easter out here this year so that is cool easter at church and with jason and his family

putting my faith to the test

never in my life have I allowed my faith to run this long and far put im getting ready to lose everything and I do not know what to do. I know that I can not ride both sides of the fence but faith has not paid my bills. But even as I say that I know I am not the man I used to be and I am not so sure I can do the things That i used to do and even if i could i dont want to i like the new me and i dont want to go back to the old me like I have time after time

you know i think this guy is gonna make it

wow life sure is a roller coaster since my last entry everything went crazy and im trying to put all of the pieces back together. Lacy wasnt worth my time and mickey started selling dope and who do u think was his ride. needless to say i got strung out and was at my wits ends when God sent me an Angel well several the knight family my new found friend Jason knight is truly what i think God had planned for a christian man to be. and he was there when if he had not been im not sure what would have happened. Dustin and I got into it about a month ago and i was headed to california when i called candy and she talked me out of it but i dont really think that is where i am meant to be. So anyhow i am looking for a job and just trying to hold what i got and move forward . honestly so much has happened that it is hard to list it all just know it has been a struggle with in one that has honestly been kicking my ass but then u know sometimes it goes like that well thats it for tonight cause as always i have shit to do

life

has been crazy dustin and i got in to it and he kicked me out so i have been staying with candy she wants to be with me or maybe she just wants to be with someone either way im just not mushy in love with her i dont feel like she is my fairy tale i wish she could be that would be great for me but im not feeling it but at the same time i dont want to leave

shes on her way

so i was trying to nap and lacey called and said she was headed to tecumseh to check on this job so i asked if she was coming by she said yes she had something to show me. i have no idea what it could be but i will just be happy to see her, well i say that sometimes when we are together i dont know what to think or how to act i guess there are just so many sides to me and i already showed her one side she was not to impressed with so now sometimes i have a hard time just being me any numbers of me lol that almost makes me sound crazy but in my life i have related it back to the Scripture " I can be all things in Christ who created me" and I am all things, and at the same time I am nothing nothing more than his creation but being in his creation I can be anything i have to be when i need to be if that makes any damn sense to u

like a lop i sit and wait

thats isnt gonna call, yet knowing that, i still sit and wait and fight with all the power i have inside of myself not to break down and call her. when i pray its not for things i pray for the virtues of christ, patience, love, kindness, basically my prayer are for unbelievers and restoration of myself, except the occasional prayer that God blss me with the one thing i want so badly and that is a lovely, soldier of a wife, in the words of haystak baby suzy q good with an oven and a oozie too, my only desire is that i have a good wife and a couple of bad kids lol i love saying that becaause one thing i know my kids will be good, raised with love kindness respect and dicipline but most importantly with the love of God but im called to live by faith and i try so damn hard maybe it is im not ready for them yet God know and thats what matters when He is ready, or maybe when im ready he will put everything in place

did she want to see me or just use my computer

so im not sure if lacey came to see me or just use my computer either way i guess it matters not i just had breakfast now im waiting for math class to start. i absolutley love days that i have class, i get here early eat breakfast then do my class thing, i guess im job hunting cause im not playing the games that these tricks i call my bosses are playing the day before yesterday i was mad enough to go knock her teeth down her throat for hanging up on me and i cant work for anyone that makes me that angry cause i get to thinking on things and get angry then i act a fool so blow all that off. one thing i do know is ill make it i always do thats how i do it many thanks be to God for giving me the strength and patience to endure

lacey just left

so lacey just left and man does she drive me crazy, i cant really figure her out at one time well nevermind all that my professor, mentor, and good friend dr. armold told me one time easy does it, and he is so right its just sometimes i have a hard time with easy does it im the rough and tough to the point kinda guy, im learning patience and gentleness as i get older but im still quite rough around the edges

so im waiting for lacey i watched a movie last night that resembled our relationship and i couldnt stop thinking about her anyways she promised she was coming so we will see im not sure im fighting a worthwhile fight or setting myself up for a painful heartbreak but when its all said and done ill know i fought not ran well back to hmework i go cause i do tend to run from that lol

so anyways

i went out with this girl named penny i met from work but i dont think we will ever work out cause she sees drinking as a relapse, i however got drunk as fuck last night. i dont normally drink unto drunkeness but last night i did i dont see me drinking a beer as a relapse. im a rcovering addict from meth not alcohol. and i dont ever see me being an alcoholic. i normally act stupid when i get drunk as do most people, only thing is i dont really like acting stupid or having to apologize and the truth is i normally end up doing both when i drink so thats no good for me.i like penny and i had fun i just see us being friends because we believe so differently on such a big issue, with her being a recovering addict herself i dont want to be the cause of any weak moment for her that is for sure she has 2 years of sobriety, where as i am working on 2 weeks again. not that i have ever really put a date on my sobriety my sponsor says i need to like a birthday for me i try not to think about the last time i used i keep my focus more on the last time i say no and i try to keep that ahead of the last time i use doesnt always work however. maybe i do need to see a doctor maybe i do need some meds i think i just need a good wife and some bad kids lol anyways im up early and not sure why but i do have lots to do today so peace

valentines day

so i guess its gonna be another lonely valentines day for me, on a positive note Amanda sent me her number so here in a couple of hours im gonna run up the road and call her. truth is I have missed hr a great deal and until i met lacey i was wondering if i could ever feel in a romantic way again. i guess i can but lacey surely does not deserve my heart or my love over the last week she has made that quite clear. I guess it's all good while everyone else is out doing the romantic thing i will be here doing my math homework and my open book test for my social problems class, not so romantc but its getting me where im going it's hard to believe that i almost have my associates and this time next year ill be working on my bachelors and if everything goes right hopefully i will be building my home. nothing real big just 3 or 4 bedrooms 2 bath and an office/library oh and a 2 car garage is a must with a de tached shop for me to play in but thats all next year thats why my GPA is so important to me the only way ill be able to do it is if i get all of the scholarships im applying for but the recriuter i talked to said with my GPA that shouldnt be a problem plus i automatically get 500 a semester for being phi thetta kappa so that is a plus well im gonna make some breakfast peace

big surprise

lacey never called last night big sursprise right oh well her loss really, good luck to her a finding another guy like me but i have exhausted my last efforts on her or for her but peace i have to get to class

400

so this is my 400th entry, where has time gone? so many things have happened in theses last 400 entries. So much love, so much joy, so much pain, so much sunshine and so much rain. I have shared my heart and fears with the world since the begining of 2007. I have been asked why so many times why would you want people to know these things about you. I dont write for them i write for me. This is one of my anti drugs. As you can tell by reading, it doesnt always work but it helps not just with my addiction but more so for my depression. People say I should see a doctor or get on medicine. Who knows maybe they are right, but I dont really like doctors, and I dont wanna have to take medicine. I just want to know the happiness I once felt, not so many years ago for such a short time, the happiness that made me know i can do this without drugs or committing crimes to make it. Was it her love for me, my love for her, was it my love for her sons, honestly I can not answer that question. All I know is I had an inner strngth during that time that shined so bright and I was definatly high on her love. but all this is sounding like blah blah blah. I dont know where Lacey and I stand, she is supposed to be calling but whether she actually does or not is another question all together. How did I let myself start to fall after three years of not falling for anybody three years of not caring for anybody and in less than a month this little redneck girl has taken my heart by storm but all i see coming is a really bad heart break. so the real question is why why am I still calling her or waiting for her calls, why dont i just cut it off no call it quits. The answer is Im that guy that believes in the impossible after all my bull shit i still believe in fairy tales im not saying shes mine cause honestly i may have lost my fairy tales in the desert years ago, or maybe she lost hers years ago. maybe we just lost each other or maybe we lost nothing at all who is to really say

the love and support

shown by my science teacher mrs.Rush and my class mate julie as well as others has been phenomenol, thursday before i found out what the desicion was going to be i was totally lost i didnt want to be here and i didnt want to leave i had no idea what i should do, or what i was going to do had the decision not been favorable actually thats a lie i pretty well knew what i would do and it would have made all of my efforts the last 3 years for nothing. but the support i have been given and shown has moved me so much, it just felt good to know they actually cared is was not fake their concern for me was genuine and very moving to me, im still sick as hell and mrs rush told me i could miss if i needed to but i can tell she trully is an advocate and as bad as i feel i will show her the respect that she deserves and will be there, she is a very kind, loving, and understanding woman who makes class fun, but it is much more than that her goal is to truly help people suceed well i have some things to go print so until later god bless

i still feel like shit

so i have been sick for like two weeks now i went to the hospital but i dont have the money to fill my prescriptions now m getting ready to go to class but last week seriously drained me of the joy i used to have on days i went to class now im going wondering what people are gonna think or say and hope the wrong person doesnt say the wrong thing cause im not so sure that i have the temperment to deal with it today oh well off i go on a prayer

the last 6 months has tried my strength more than you could imagine

my whole life has been an obstacle but the last 6 months well actually the last 3 years but we will just deal with the last six months has been extremely tough on me i always feel like im one decision or one mistake away from losing everything i was almost kicked out of school for drug use and my criminal record. yes i have had 2 relapses in the recent past and but i chose a professor from my other college to be my sponsor of course i had not planned on moving when i made that decision but my point is i have never been decietful about who joe powers is I AM THAT MAN if you stay current on this journal u know that is a poem i wrote sometime ago in Yucca valley. Lacey came real close to hurting my heart i sent her a text this morning that said it would probably be best if i forgot i ever met her or started to care about her. once upon a time i would have been fine with just hooking up for sex probably would have eeven been okay with it now except i found i really enjoyed her company which for me is uncommon see i love all people but their are very few i really enjoy being around for any length of time. but as sappy as it may sound when she was around i never wanted her to leave. when she laid in my arms it just felt right. see the other morning i went to see her after work and she began to tell me all of the reason she didnt see us making it my past being one of them. I told her fine that was her desicion i was going home to get some sleep. on the way home she texted me and said that we needed to talk some more that she didnt want it to be like this. i said like what im after more than being friends that fuck and if you dont want more than im gonna have to step back before i get hurt. she acted like she wanted more, then the night before last she tells me that were pretty much through but she has still been texting im to old for games, not that i dont play them well, i have one home girl that tells me she loves my game i always told her girl thats not game thats me
as shitty as my life has been i have never stopped believing in the fairy tale whatever that may mean to you and as long as there is a breath in me i will keep soldier stepping although at times im not even sure why i do so i just do it is what i do i just keep moving forward when i fall down i get up when it rains i shine i dont know what else to do i just pray that someday i will be able to look back and say it was all worth it

so i met laceys dad

he said i looked like i was on drugs or im just real burned up but thats all good i am real burned up but in a good way people think i look like a tweeker cause im so full of life and energy. its not my fault i have been blessed with this flame that burns inside of my soul that keeps me moving and bouncing and jumping around i dont have time for tv id rather study. I hope one day though he will see the love in my eyes for his daughter and know that i would never let harm come to her and that i am dead serious when i say i want to make her part of my life.

yesterday

was the greatest day i have had in a long time, see i made a comment to lacey cause my feelings were hurt cause she was tellling me about this other guy she has been talking to anyways im getting sidetracked so lacey went to the city with my to make my durango payment then we went to see rachel lacey was tired cause she didnt get much sleep the night before and had to work in a nursing home all day so she fell asleep on the way back whn i got her back to her vehicle she didnt feel like she could drive so she slept in my durango outside my job. i kept going and turning it on so she would stay warm and held her when i was slow. when i got off i asked her i she wanted to go to her explorer or come home with me she asked wht i wanted to do and i said i would love to hold u all day. so she came home with me and we held each other all day and made love several times well she says she doesnt make love but i disagree because it sure feels like she is making love all inside of me i just hope that this sexy lil country girl doesnt break my heart i know she is worried that im gonna brake hers but i dont think that could ever happen. im honest and faithful i believe myself to be a damn good man a real bad boy but a good man anyways im off to dream of lacey.

lacy is at work

so lacy started working at the meeker nursing home today i am so happy for her, although i do miss hearing the sound of her voice we were on the phone together almost al day yesterday she is moving into her own house this week and i cant wait because we are gonna break in every room something real proper. sorta like a house warming party or more like a panty warming party but you know any ways i had to take off work last night cause of the snow and ice and i live 27 miles from work so now i have to work tonight and then go to school in the morning but thats just how it goes u know

maybe she kinda likes me

so she said that she just wanted to have fun, and that she doesn't want me to have feelings for her. but she calls quite a bit and i think she has gotten a little jealous a couple of times. There is no doubt about it i like her, I just really dont know if I can trust her, and I dont know if she will be able to trust me she doesnt want to she has her gaurds. I put mine up, but then i hear her voice and they come right down, i wouldnt mind that so much except her gaurds are still up. i like really being into a girl but its not a good thing when they tell you from the start not to. but see im really really stubborn and i dont back down from very many challenges, especially when I think that maybe just maybe it might be worth it, see i know she's worth she just doesnt know it, dont get me wrong she thinks real highly of her self in some ways but shes not so confident in others. im trying not to move to fast and just be a friend first and to let her just see me for me and let her know that good men really do exist and i believe myself to be one of those anyways im gonna call lacy and then get some sleep before work peace

I feel like shit

doing meth tends to have that effect on a person as if just being tired and and sleep deprived wasnt bad enough i used last night and the night before meth has been offered to me several times at work and i have not had any problems saying no. then the other night lacy came up to my job to kick it with me one thing led to another and we found ourselves in the utility closet well she left and went home and shortly after that one of my regulars came in and was high as fuck, see i cant even blame it on him i saw how high he was and knew lacy was coming over after i got out of my seminar so i askd him whats up with it and he hooked me up with like a paper, why do i do dumb shit when i know its some dumb shit. der der der der do i have that stamped on my fucking head sometimes i wonder. i need a good woman, and i really really need to see something for all of the sacrafice and work that i have put into my education and trying to get into a career where i can help others, and i cant even help my self sometimes i feel like all i am really doing is setting myself up because sometimes when people laugh when i tell them why im going to college, i get it and sometimes i even wanna laugh to. but all i knw to do is to keep believing thats what God says "faith is the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen" and i had several people tell me when i was younger that they saw me working with troubled adolecants as an adult now u have to understand when i was told these things i was selling crack on the corner and shooting meth. so to me that was really a joke i guess about the same as the joke people laugh to when i tell them im gonna be a counselor, but with every fucking laugh i take another step in that direction and even if i fail im gonna fail trying and ill still tell everyone who doubted me u were still wrong cause look where i did make it and that was not only more than most would have thought but to be honest i am doing better accademically than most of the people who talk shit can do or have done and if they did do this well it was hard for them and they struggled with it now im not trying to brag but im on the presidents honor roll and i only strained up with one class and that was my computer class and i still made an a i have made 2 B's but that is not to shabby anyways peace

my essay on Confucius

Throughout history many intelligent men have written guidelines and codes of conduct. Few non Christian men however have hit the mark as close as Kong- fuzi, better known as Confucius. “Confucius was China’s most notable thinker.” (Fiero, 2006) “Confucius confidently maintained that human character, not birth, determined the worth and status of an individual. He had little to say about gods and spirits; nor did he pursue ultimate truth (in the manner of the Greek philosophers). Rather, he taught the importance of tradition, filial piety (respect for one’s elders), and the exercise of li. In doing so, he formulated the first expression of the so-called “Golden Rule”: “What you do not wish for yourself, do not do to others.” (Fiero, 2006) I believe that a ruler or president must definitely set a moral example for his or her people; furthermore a person set in a position of authority should conduct themselves in the same manner in which they would have their citizen’s act.
The number one priority of a president, king, or ruler should be to display the conduct that they expect of their citizens. It brings to thought the old saying of parents or grandparent “Do as I say not as I do.” As we should have learned by now, that just does not work. Children mimic their parents, as do teenagers mimic their favorite television stars. Why then would you expect citizens not to mimic their leader? And why would a leader expect their citizens to adhere to a code of conduct that they themselves cannot adhere to? This rule of thought should not only apply to the president, but to any person holding a position of authority. Police officers, politicians, and teachers alike should hold themselves to a higher moral standard than the rest of society; because these are the people who are responsible for setting the ethical bar of society.
The sad truth is that this is often not the case, the men and women who are in positions of authority often misuse their power. Believing they are above the law they carry on in any manner they so desire, while trying to hold the rest of society to a moral code they themselves cannot keep. “Moral authority is about more than image, say presidential scholars. It's about trust and credibility, qualities a president needs when he asks some sacrifice of his fellow citizens, or bids them follow him on a march to somewhere unknown. “ (Kiefer, 1998) That trust so often misused and played on for personal gain, that it makes it hard for citizens of any society to trust their leaders. “"Trust stands in the political system as money stands in the economic system. [It] allows transactions to be made," says John Kessler, a professor of political science at Ohio State. "In the absence of trust, you can't have political deals.”” (Kiefer, 1998)
It takes more than a man with strong morals to run a country; a leader must also have political intelligence. I however believe that an ethical man with no political intelligence would run our country better than a crooked politician. “Moral authority is not the only virtue that a president needs, of course. In recent history, President Carter was considered a man of moral character, but his presidency was not particularly effective because he lacked political sense, points out presidential scholar Martha Joynt Kumar.” (Kiefer, 1998) Although his presidency may not have been as effective as some may have liked, his moral virtue is still remembered today. “On the other hand, although President Reagan would often mix up fact and fiction, "these were questions that were not essential to his character," she says. Despite Iran-contra, Mr. Reagan was still able to articulate the difference between right and wrong, maintain credibility with the public, and leave a legacy of a militarily strong America that contributed to the downfall of Communist Europe.” (Kiefer, 1998) I however disagree, if a man cannot differentiate between fact and fiction, then how can he run a country?
In conclusion, my personal opinion is that moral values should be held to a higher level of importance than political prowess. There are many dishonest men and women out there who are well educated in politics. But just because they are well educated in politics does not make them fit to rule a country or even a state. “A recent poll by America's Talking cable-TV network reveals that 41.7% of 600 respondents want moral character in their President, while 21.1% seek vision for the nation. But just who the candidate may be is a little more elusive. Only 71.2% could name two candidates in addition to Bill Clinton, and an astounding 36% could not even name one. Meanwhile, a poll by New Republic indicates that a significant number of Americans aren't opposed to printing advertisements on U.S. currency if it would result in lower taxes. Some 35% of those surveyed were in favor of the "dollar billboard" concept.” (Poll Vault, 1995)









Works Cited
Fiero, G. k. (2006). The Humanistic Tradition. new york: McGraw-Hill.
Kiefer, F. (1998). The Presidents Credibility gap. Christian Science Monitor , 1.
Poll Vault. (1995). Human Events , 24.

The Epic of Gilgamesh is the world’s first epic. In this epic is a story very similar to Noah’s flood of our Holy Bible. And throughout other religions people can find similar stories as to what is told in the Bible. As well as the similar messages preached by the Buddha and the sermons of Christ. All of these things sparked my curiosity as to the origin of belief, and the origin of these tales. The Epic of Gilgamesh is strikingly similar to the account of Noah and the flood in our Holy Bible, as well as the Buddha’s sermons bear so much in common with the sermons of Christ.


The Epic of Gilgamesh is the world’s first epic, it was recited for centuries before it was ever recorded. The Epic of Gilgamesh speaks of the flood of Noah’s days, names have changed and some specific details vary, but it was handed down orally for centuries before it was ever recorded, so it is perfectly logical to assume that some of the information was misreported. What I find to be most interesting about my recent studies, is that so many different religions tell the same stories and for the most part teach the same message. Had it not been for Jesus Christ, God born of the flesh, coming to dwell here on earth with us and teaching us the mysteries of the unknown, then a person could be easily deceived or misguided on the proper way to worship our creator. But Christ did come, and He did teach us the proper ways to honor and worship our heavenly Father. What my research has led me to believe is that the stories in the Holy Bible are truthful and accurate and even other religions believe many truths found in the Holy Bible. As one will see in this Native American account of creation, “Going to the bank of the river he took a piece of clay, and out of it he fashioned a little clay man” (Fiero, 2006) Does that sound familiar at all? To me it sounds a whole lot like the account given in Genesis on creation. The Epic of Gilgamesh is strikingly similar to the account of Noah and the flood in our Holy Bible, and the Buddha’s sermons bear much in common with the sermons of Christ.
I was kind of shocked when I first read the Epic of Gilgamesh and read about the flood account given there. For six days and six nights the winds blew, torrent and tempest and flood overwhelmed the world, tempest and flood raged together like warring hosts. When the seventh day dawned the storm from the south subsided, the seas grew calm, the flood was stilled; I looked at the face of world and there was silence, all mankind was turned to clay.(Fiero, 2006,p. 41)
I wonder about the flood stopping on the seventh day, and in Genesis the Lord resting on the seventh day. Also when God is telling Noah how many animals to take of the clean ones he takes seven. In Genesis we read,“Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens, the male and his female: and of beasts that are not clean by two, the male and his female.”(Gen. 7:2) Why should we look at the numbers as being important? Because the stories do vary in detail but different numerical truths always seem to remain, like the number seven. Also different animals seem to stay the same like in the Mayan creation account the serpent is a key character. “As with the Polpal Vuh, animals (in this case a serpent) play important roles in creation accounts.”(Parsons, 2004, 185-205) Now let’s look at the similarities in Buddha’s sermons and those of my savior Christ Jesus.
Siddhartha Gautama, better known as the Buddha lived centuries before Christ, but gave two sermons strikingly similar to those of Christ. Buddha’s sermon at Benares resembles the sermon Christ gave on the Mount. “Neither abstinence from fish or flesh, nor going naked, nor shaving the head, nor wearing matted hair, nor dressing in rough garment, nor covering oneself with dirt, nor sacrificing to Agni, will cleanse a man who is not free from delusions.”(Fiero, 2006, 13) This is an excerpt from Buddha’s sermon at Benares, taken from our text and the following comes from Buddha’s sermon on abuse,
Son, if a man declined to accept a present made to him, to whom would it belong? And he answered: In that case it would belong to the man who offered it My son, said the Buddha, Thou has railed at me, but I decline to accept thy abuse, and request thee to keep it thyself. Will it not be a misery to thee? . . . A wicked man who reproaches a virtuous one is like one who looks up and spits at the heavens: the spittle soils not the heavens, but comes back defiles his own person. (Fiero, 2006, p.15)
Now let’s see how that sermon by Buddha resembles that of Christ’s Sermon on the Mount. “3: Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.4: Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. 9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. 39 But I say unto you, that ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. 40 And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloke also.
Obviously there are some similarities there and some scholars whose main goal is to disprove the bible would say that that Jesus traveled to India and abroad studying different religions before he started his earthly ministry, and He very well may have. The next person we are going to look at is Confucius, having no real spiritual belief he came up with the Golden rule again centuries before Christ. Throughout history many intelligent men have written guidelines and codes of conduct. Few non Christian men however have hit the mark as close as Kong- fuzi, better known as Confucius. “Confucius was China’s most notable thinker.”(Fiero,2006,p 158)
Confucius confidently maintained that human character, not birth, determined the worth and status of an individual. He had little to say about gods and spirits; nor did he pursue ultimate truth (in the manner of the Greek philosophers). Rather, he taught the importance of tradition, filial piety (respect for one’s elders), and the exercise of li. In doing so, he formulated the first expression of the so-called “Golden Rule”: “What you do not wish for yourself, do not do to others.(Fiero,2006,p.158)
“Confucius-at least in the Luen yu-did not willingly deal with matters that did not have a practical aspect. He spoke of them only in implicit manner. When Tse-Lu questioned him about death, he replied, “You do not know what life is; how could you know what death is?” During the same conversation, Tse-Lu asked him how one must serve the spirits and the gods, and Confucius answered, “You do not know how to serve men. How could you serve the gods?”(Do-Dinh, 1969,p.124)
Confucius not being a spiritual man came up with the number one rule that spiritual men and women live by every day.
In conclusion, many religions share stories, beliefs, and similar values and backgrounds. In doing this paper I learned that the topic I picked was way too diverse and needed much more time for research than what is allowed in an accelerated class. But it did spark my interest in the study of the origins of beliefs and I hope that it sparks curiosity in others as well. The similarities of The Epic of Gilgamesh and the flood of the Bible caught my attention right away; as did the similarities of Buddha’s sermons in comparison to those of Christ’s. I pray that after hearing my presentation my hearers will take some time for themselves to study the inspired Word of God and other Religious literature as well.

References
Works Cited
Do-Dinh, P. (1969). Confucius and Chinese humanism. usa: Funk and Wagnalls.
Fiero, G. k. (2006). The humanistic tradition. New York: McGraw-Hill.Book 1
Fiero, G. K. (2006). The humanistic tradition. New York: McGraw-Hill.Book 2
Parsons, m. c. (2004). Cosmogonies and culture. Christian Higher Education , 185-205.
The Holy Bible. (1990). Belarus: Thomas Nelson, inc.

an essay i wrote on gender roles

“Differences in gender were used for millennia to divide, exploit and isolate women. So, eliminate the differences. Who in Western society could seriously argue, after the angry gender wars of the 1960s and '70s, that the ongoing liberation of women is anything less than a crowning moral achievement. Gender may mean less today than ever in history -- in our society, at least -- but it still means plenty. Boys and girls -- and a whole newly vocal rainbow of gender variants in between -- may be heading today toward the same bright future, but they continue to travel on a divided highway. The nurturing of parents, the impact of friends and the crushing influence of popular culture all have a huge impact on gender roles and expectations” (MacQueen, p. 26, 2003). Gender role does and should play a huge part in society.


A gender role is defined as a set of perceived behavioral norms associated particularly with males or females, in a given social group or system. It can be a form of division of labour by gender. It is a focus of analysis in the social sciences and humanities. Gender is one component of the gender/sex system, which refers to "The set of arrangements by which a society transforms biological sexuality into products of human activity, and in which these transformed needs are satisfied" (Reiter 1975: 159). Almost all societies, to a certain effect, have a gender/sex system, although the components and workings of this system vary markedly from society to society (Wikipedia,2008). Although some societies vary, in almost all societies the man is thought of as the provider. Likewise the mother is thought of to be the nurturing caring person responsible for turning a house into a home. That is why Gender role does and should play a huge part in society.

“What is male? What is female? Your answers to these questions may depend on the types of gender roles you were exposed to as a child. Gender roles can be defined as the behaviors and attitudes expected of male and female members of a society by that society. Gender roles vary. Different cultures impose different expectations upon the men and women who live in that culture. The United States has experienced tremendous upheaval and revising of its traditional gender roles in the last generation. These changes in gender roles affect the home, the workplace, and the school, and they affect all Americans to some degree. With the increased presence of women in the workplace, old attitudes and behaviors have had to change. Men and women are more aware of sexual harassment than previously; whereas 20 years ago a woman who refused to have an affair with her boss may have had to quit, she now has other options. Companies are now experimenting with policies that are family-friendly, such as flex time, job sharing, and on-site child care--policies that benefit both men and women” (Google, nd).

“For approximately the last 100 years women have been fighting for the same rights as men (especially around the turn from 19th to 20th century with the struggle for women's suffrage and in the 1960s with second-wave feminism and radical feminism) and were able to make changes to the traditionally accepted feminine gender role. However, most feminists today say there is still work to be done. Numerous studies and statistics show that even though the situation for women has improved during the last century, discrimination is still widespread: Women earn a smaller percentage of aggregate income than men, occupy lower-ranking job positions than men and do most of the housekeeping work. However, there may be some reason for this, as some studies have indicated that many jobs which were traditionally perceived to be male-dominated usually have longer hours, necessitate long periods of exposure to the elements, are higher risk and require a fair amount of physical strength. When feminism became a conspicuous protest movement in the 60's, critics often argued that women who wanted to follow a traditional role would be discriminated against in the future and forced to join the workforce. Many women, especially single parents are denied this choice due to economic necessity. In theory, feminism is the belief that a woman should have the right to make her own decisions” (Wikipedia, 2008).
“Gender roles in male prisons go further than the "Don't drop the soap"-joke. The truth is that some prisoners, either by choice or by force, take on strict 'female roles' according to prison set guidelines. For instance, a 'female' in prison is seen as timid, submissive, passive, and a means of sexual pleasure. When entering the prison environment some inmates "turn out" on their own free will, meaning they actively pursue the 'female role' in prison to gain some form of social power and/or prestige. Other, unlucky inmates, are forced to partake in 'female role' activities through coercion; the most common means being physical abuse. The inmates that are forced to "turn out" are commonly referred to as "punks". Other terms used to describe 'female' inmates are "girls", "kids", and "gumps". Some of the labels may be used as a means of describing one's ascribed status. For example, a "kid" is one that is usually dominated by their owner, or "daddy". The "daddy" is usually one with a high social status and prestige within the prison (E.g. gang leader). The "female" gender role is constructed through the mirror image of what the inmates perceive as a male. For instance, inmates view men as having strength, power, prestige, and an unyielding personality. However, the inmates don't refer to the female guards, who have power and prestige over the inmates, as males. The female guards are commonly referred to as "dykes", "ditch lickers", and lesbians. These roles are also assumed in female prisons” (Wikipedia, 2008)
In conclusion although gender does play a big part in our society, it should not be a reason to discriminate against a person. Just remember that gender roles are learned just as much as they are biological. Young men need older men to learn from, just as young ladies needs their mothers to teach them how to be young ladies. Some jobs are better suited for a man but if a woman wants to do it why not let her try? Society always wants to discriminate against someone. It is not just about race, or gender, or whether you are lower class or middle class it is about all of the above. It should not be that way but quite frankly it is that way and that is something that will probably never change.

References
(n.d.). Retrieved from http://web.ebscohost.com/ehost/detail?vid=35&hid=6&sid=5c9f6d6f-090a-490e-9f50-358be87cf54c%40sessionmgr3&bdata=JkF1dGhUeXBlPWlwLGNvb2tpZSx1cmwsdWlkJnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZSZzY29wZT1zaXRl#db=afh&AN=9810352
Google. (nd). Retrieved December 11, 2008, from http://www.faqs.org/health/topics/8/Gender-roles.html
MacQueen, K. (2003, May 26). Ebsco. Retrieved December 8, 2008, from http://web.ebscohost.com/ehost/detail?vid=35&hid=6&sid=5c9f6d6f-090a-490e-9f50-358be87cf54c%40sessionmgr3&bdata=JkF1dGhUeXBlPWlwLGNvb2tpZSx1cmwsdWlkJnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZSZzY29wZT1zaXRl#db=afh&AN=9810352
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Retrieved December 11, 2008, from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_role#References

Throughout history there have been countless romantic heroes. Some were made heroes by their writings, others for their heroic actions. Some Romantic heroes are real life historical figures, every day men and women like you and I. Other romantic heroes are mythological figures and the characters of many a story. One thing that is for certain all of the romantic heroes of the world leave a legacy behind. Their lives meant something, and regardless if that belief cost them their lives, they believed anyway. I believe that Jesus Christ is the greatest romantic hero of all time.





Introduction
For as long as there has been recorded history, we have had romantic heroes. Most of these heroes were just men and women like you and I. They did not necessarily have wealth or power, other than the power to learn and believe. Microsoft Word gives several definitions and examples of the word romantic. Now I am going to give you mine. To be romantic about something, a person must have a deep passion for whatever it is that they romanticize. There are a whole lot of people who think that a person can only be romantic about a person of the opposite sex and for sexual reasons. In the late 18th and 19th century men and women were romantic about their art their music and their literature. I am sure that that romanticism carried over into their love lives as well. But my romantic hero Jesus Christ romanticized me. And He also romanticizes you, even though you like myself are completely undeserving of such sacrifice, He was that sacrifice. That is why I believe that Jesus Christ is the greatest Romantic hero of all time.
The first reason I have for this belief is that Jesus Christ lived his entire life without ever sinning. From our text we read” Heroes, whether mortal or semi-divine, traditionally symbolized humanity at its best, most powerful, and most God like” (Fiero, 2006, p. 29). And Christ did exactly that, He being born of the flesh allowed himself free will, and with that came temptation and desire just like everyone else. But unlike anyone else, He never once gave in to the temptations, greed, and sins of the flesh.
Is a sinless Jesus possible? Yes, Jesus not only could, but did live his whole life without sin. 1 Peter 2:22 says, "He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth." 1 John 3:5 says, ". . . And in him is no sin." Then in John chapter 8 Jesus said of himself, "Yet because I tell the truth, you do not believe me! Can any of you prove me guilty of sin? If I am telling the truth, why don't you believe me? He who belongs to God hears what God says. . ." (Sinless Jesus, n.d, p.1).
Having lived His life without ever sinning, Christ allowed himself to be beaten, tortured and crucified because he loved us so much he not only died for us, but he was held accountable for our mistakes.
My second reason would have to be all of the love and compassion that Christ has, even for those who crucified Him. All through the Bible Christ heals and forgives people. When faced with ridicule or opposition by the Pharisees Christ did not anger. Instead he answered them in truth, with love and compassion. Often he spoke in poetic parables, or answered their questions with one of His own. But never did he anger or waste His time by arguing, He simply spoke truth.
Jesus did not seek glory from men, as all other heroes did, but from his Father alone. Jesus is completely and totally the Divine Son; there is nothing in him that he does not receive from the Father. Jesus’ obedience gives him the Name that is above all other names. The names of heroes—Gilgamesh, Hector, Achilles, Odysseus, Beowulf, Siegfried—fade into the mists of legend, but the name of Jesus grows louder through the millennia. (Podles,2008,n,d,p.6)
My final and most important reason to view Christ as the greatest Romantic hero of all time is because He did get spit on, He did get lashes, He did die on a cross, and He did all of this for me. Christ died because we fail, not because he failed. I cannot think of any other romantic hero that left their legacy behind, without them doing it in return for something. Whether it is recognition, or spoils of war every other Romantic hero had an agenda at hand, something to gain. Christ earns his rank as a Romantic hero, because everything that He did He did with our salvation in mind. Phil Donahue says this about His love:
Jesus is a relentless lover without limits. Even when we cannot, or will not, return his love, Jesus continues to love us despite our actions and our words, our ignorance and rebellion. Yet we cannot seem to fully believe it. We wonder if he will one day leave us, disgusted with our sin and many failures. Yet he remains at our side, loving his way into our lives. In this study, we will discover how Jesus expresses his love for us, and we will learn how amazing that love truly is. (Donahue, n.d, p.1)
The love and compassion that Christ has is so strong that even while He hung from a cross being mocked from below, yet He prayed that God could forgive them for their ignorance; that my friend is a hero.
In conclusion we have learned that romance goes much deeper than getting laid. More importantly we should have learned that Jesus Christ is the greatest Romantic hero of all time. And even more important than all of that, we should have learned a few valuable lessons on how we should conduct ourselves, how we should answer those who may verbally come against us, and forgive those who offend us, even if that offense is unto death. My tributes, respect, and honor go out to all of the Romantic heroes of the world; however there can only be one greatest, and that one is Christ. That is why I believe that Jesus Christ is the greatest romantic hero of all time.



References
Donahue, P. (n.d.). Relentless Lover. Retrieved November Tuesday, 2008, from Inter.Varsity press: http://www.ivpbooks.com/product/9781844741168.htm
Fiero. (2006). The humanistic tradition. New York City: Mcgraw-Hill.
Podles, L. j. (2008). Christ:God,man,hero. Retrieved November Tuesday, 2008, from Touchstonemag.com: http://www.touchstonemag.com/archives/article.php?id=14-09-019-f
Sinless Jesus. (n.d.). Retrieved november Tuesday, 2008, from all about Jesus Christ: http://www.allaboutjesuschrist.org/sinless-jesus-faq.htm

if shes out there

i sure wish she would find me or i would find her or we would find each other. I have been talking to this girl but she doesnt want any part of a relationshiop she just wants to get together and fuck. what is wrong with that you might ask? truth years ago nothing was wrong with that and in fact that is the way i kept it. but im getting older and as sappy as it sounds all i want is my other half, the white picket fence a good woman and a couple of bad kids lol just kidding about the bad kids but you get the point i want my american dream. but sometimes i wonder if ill ever see that or get what others have or will i be a lonely struggling cowboy the rest of my life. im not really good at many things but i know this for fact im a hell of a man a loving, sensitive, romantic partner and i also know that if im ever given the chance ill be one hell of a father. ill be everything my fatheer never was. but blah blah blah stop crying i know it is what it is and thats all it is until its something different lol okay im exhausted so im going to bed

starting my day

I slept longer than i like to but i have a freshman seminar in the morning as soon as i get off so i needed to get what rest i could when i could now im getting ready to have to go make my land payment and other responsible adult things blah blah blah the joys of being a working class country boy. i wanted to get up and take a trip to el ghetto but i was just to drained to many days running on just a couple hours of sleep but things always have to get done and im the one that has to get em done so i do anyways peac out and God bless

i dont even know why im awake im so fucking tired, actually i think im getting ready to lay back down for a few more hours there seem to be several days a week that i only get 2 to 4 hours of sleep so i better rest toda cause i have to work tonight and then be at the college at 9 in the morning

SO IM POSTING MY JOURNAL ON MY SCHOOL WEB PAGE BUT IM NOT SURE HOW GOOD OF AN IDES THAT IS BUT WE WILL SEE

inspirational truth

George Bernard Shaw said, "People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, they make them."
Well, it's pretty apparent, isn't it? And every person who discovered this believed (for a while) that he was the first one to work it out. We become what we think about.
Conversely, the person who has no goal, who doesn't know where he's going, and whose thoughts must therefore be thoughts of confusion, anxiety and worry - his life becomes one of frustration, fear, anxiety and worry. And if he thinks about nothing... he becomes nothing.
How does it work? Why do we become what we think about? Well, I'll tell you how it works, as far as we know. To do this, I want to tell you about a situation that parallels the human mind.
Suppose a farmer has some land, and it's good, fertile land. The land gives the farmer a choice; he may plant in that land whatever he chooses. The land doesn't care. It's up to the farmer to make the decision.
We're comparing the human mind with the land because the mind, like the land, doesn't care what you plant in it. It will return what you plant, but it doesn't care what you plant.
Now, let's say that the farmer has two seeds in his hand- one is a seed of corn, the other is nightshade, a deadly poison. He digs two little holes in the earth and he plants both seeds-one corn, the other nightshade. He covers up the holes, waters and takes care of the land...and what will happen? Invariably, the land will return what was planted.
As it's written in the Bible, "As ye sow, so shall ye reap."
Remember the land doesn't care. It will return poison in just as wonderful abundance as it will corn. So up come the two plants - one corn, one poison.
The human mind is far more fertile, far more incredible and mysterious than the land, but it works the same way. It doesn't care what we plant...success...or failure. A concrete, worthwhile goal...or confusion, misunderstanding, fear, anxiety and so on. But what we plant it must return to us.
You see, the human mind is the last great unexplored continent on earth. It contains riches beyond our wildest dreams. It will return anything we want to plant.

blah blah blah

so lacey pretty well blew me off last night and today so im cool on that, its been a pretty great day its beautiful outside and i have been kinda lazy and just enjoyed the day worked on the dirt bike a lil and just hung out with my sister. like i said just a peaceful lazy day. I got my durango fixed thank God, i hated having to drive my sisters car, i really dont like driving cars at all i like trucks or suvs any ways just wanted to jot some shit down for the day

now i remember

now i remember why i havent even tried to let a woman get close. I dont deal with rejection well and i think that the only thing thats gonna come from me persuing lacey is a broken heart and im cool on that. so im gonna just take a few steps back and if i showed her something that she thinks maybe she wants in her life then she can persue me that will be on her anyways i gotta go to work to keep on persuing this american dream that i know im gonna acheive

all night long

i tossed and turned all night long, yearning to be held in her arms
up very hour, my mind on giving her roses and flowers
we just met so why do i feel like this
not to get my heart broken i guess is my only wish
a lot of women have came and gone
in the last couple of years
for the most part none of them were even worth buying a beer
and damn sure none were worth me shedding a tear
but lacey has my heart all full of excitement and fear
i just gotta take my time i just gotta take it slow
but those who know me
well they know that just isnt joe
i guess we will just see how this story goes

she says

she says boyfriends are dumb and she will not love
she say shes kinda digginng me can we just have fun
i told her i love fun but she better watch out cause i might be the one
that country boy that sweeps her off her feet
she said good luck her feet are firmly planted on concrete
i smiled inside cause this lil angel doesnt know me
give me a challenge give me a dare
and then bet your ass cause ill damn sure be there
i dont back down and i dont get scared
when the chips are down i dont fight fair
i told her my intentions so at least shes aware
we can have fun, while i try to make her care
but now i feel all tingely and thats a feeling that might make me scared

got to tell her good night

so i called one more time before i layed down and i got to tell her goodnight, i cant sleep for shit since i have been doing the night shift this is my day time i get a couple hours of sleep and im awake. i really dont know why i was hooked on speed for so long, cause even with out it my body keeps going and going one foot in front of another gets a man down the road thats all it takes to keep him moving. at least physically. i cannot get lacey off of my mind she has me tossing and turning and even has my stomach churning with butterflies

lacey didnt call

but i think her cell phone is dead, to be honest i shouldnt even be worried about it but i did feel a cool lil spark, so we will see what happens. its all good i just need to be careful of my heart and not come on to strong. even though she told me she really wasnt looking to be w/ anyone i told her i was gonna sweep her off her feet. or do my best to anyways, i told her if i fail no harm no foul i know what im getting into just keep it 100 blah blah blah i dont like butter flys and im feeling them

TODAY HAS BEEN PRETTY GOOD

so i met this girl last night that kinda scares me, cause i feel a spark and she is telling me not to count on love and it all kinda reminds me of michelle but michelle couldve been a good girl i think maybe she learned that to late. i guess we will see Lacey is her name and she made me feel tingles i walked her around my land and was just able to be me anyways blah blah blah blah just thought id write it down. i have done real well about not letting anyone in. or feeling anything since amanda to be honest im scared of feeling and ill be cautious but im trying to swoop on her

damn it man i just wrecked my durango, so now i need a new radiater again and i just replaced my radiater like a month ago. seriously this was just what i needed another fucking problem and it was all my fault thats the worst part. if it was someone elses fault then at least i could be pisssed at them as it is now i can only be mad at myself.

my new school rocks

so i love my new school it is stock full of beautiful country girls, all of my teachers seem to be really cool. to be honest it is really good to be back home I sure have missed the peacefulness of the country life. My new job doesn't pay very well but i work nights so it is slow and i have time to do homework on the clock so its pretty cool, i like it pretty well i have lots of fun at work so even though it doesnt pay very well i like it speaking of im off to work now peace

started school

so i started school tuesday, and to be honest i like this school. All my teachers are cool as hell, and all these girls out here are some fine ass country girls. and u know i need me a red neck girl.

got a job at ez mart

so i started working at ez mart on wednesday, i left the house to go job hunting and to go to seminole state college wednesday around 9 am and i had the job by like 9:30 and started at 4 o clock. im making a lot less than what i was making but its a job and they worked with me on my schedule for school. but the night shift will take some getting used to because i didnt sleep for shit and now im exhausted. im sure i wont have any problem sleeping when i get home as long as my rowdy lil nephews will let me. but it will take a while to get used to my nights being days and my days being nights. right now im getting ready to go to work with a massive headache and im tired as hell.

e mails

so i have sent 5 e mails today that say
To whom it may concern,
My name is Joe Powers. I am a 28 year old college student going to school to be a drug or youth counselor. I am on the presidents honor role and a member of Phi Theta Kappa. My grades rate me in the top ten percent of my school, but I am having trouble finding employment in the counseling field because I am also a convicted felon and recovering addict myself. I knew my past would be an obstacle but I never imagined it to be a road block. I am sending this E-Mail in hopes that you or someone you may know will be willing to give me a chance. In prison I decided to not only change my life around, but to use my life as an example to help others do the same. If you or anyone you know thinks that they would like to give me a chance to make my dream a reality please contact me by phone or E-Mail.

Sincerely,
Joe Powers
E-Mail- brknheartedman4@aol.com
Phone-
sorry not posting my digits on line lol


i sent them to different counseling organizations in hopes that someone will give me a chance i guess we will just have to see what happens it all rides on faith now i guess

today sucks

so mike hasn't called about work yet so i havent enrolled in school cause wherever i enroll at i have to be there for 16 weeks so i dont want to enroll until i know that mike is going to hire me. it is frustrating as hell. plus my love life sucks i think im gonna go see candy tonight we dated a while but i wasnt really feeling it, but im just gonna stop by and see whats up cause im tired of being lonely plus she makes good money and she loves her some joe. that might sound fucked up but i guess it is what it is, but the truth is I know me and i guess im just talking shit cause i cant really do that whole playing thing but i am gonna go say hi and see whats up

good morning

not that there is anything good about this morning. i am un employed and i dont do that well, plus this girl i like in south carolina met someone thats good for her i guess any ways im waiting on mickeys boss to call me about work so i can go transfer my schooling oh fun fun im really tired of life kicking my ass but it never seems to let up. its all good however

already moving again

so i just got my apartment last week and now im moving again. i found out friday when i got my check that i didnt have any work this week, but i have work in shawnee so now im back to changing jobs and schools and everything. I'm just so tired of always moving i didnt complete one level of academics at anyone school and i was hoping to accomplish that at Redlands but now that to is shot all to hell. but to be honest it is probably for the best because i hav been having a problem staying sober in el reno, but i know everyone here and shawnee is so lonely for me even though my sister and brother in law and nephews are there and so is mickey dustins brother, I dont have any female companionship. but to be honest the female companionship i have been getting here in el reno i could honestly do with out. I really kind of like this girl ive been talking to on line which i know is kind of crazy because she lives in south carolina. but i like her a lot it always makes my day a little brighter when i see her on line. but anyways what will happen i cannot say. i guess i have to take it on day at a time and try to figure it out. the changing of schools is what is scarying me the most i just got to know all of the professors there and the people in the office and now i am starting all over again but know this im gonna make it i always do, cause why cause a country boy can survive.

pictures from new years

merry christmas jay

jays memorial on christmas 2008

carl the homeless man that saw jay die

and the man who waters his rose bush

jasons rose bush

me with jay christmas 2008