SO I AM ENROLLED

so i am enrolled in college i took my compas test today and enrolled in english comp 1 and sociology 101 for the first 8 weeks and english comp 2 and crime and delinquency for my second 8 weeks they are the fast track classes so i only have to go to each class once a week for 4 hours a piece but you have double the home work but it is the only way i could go full time and still work

when the advisor asked what career i wanted i told her adolecent drug counselor or prison drug counselor so she went and made my degree plan for family studies and child development it will be an arts degree but when i go for my B.A i am gonna change my major to more of an adult psychologist, it is a longer method of getting the degree i want  but i have my reasons

any ways when she came back with my degree plan she brought me a generic general studies degree plan as well and was trying to tell me about it, i told her listen lady that is a basic generic degree that kids get when they don't know really what they want but it gets them started to college

i however know exactly what i want to do and i am starting with a handicap, i am a three time convicted felon, so generic degree wont work for mei need a bad ass degree with a 4.0 G.P.A. she said "didn't you tell me you work?" I said "yes, seven days a week". she told me that what i was trying to accomplish was awfully hard. I told her why do you think i waited this wrong, but now i'm ready so we will see all prayers are much appreciated

compas test

so i did my on line financial aid last night and on my lunch break today i have to go down and take my compas test, i'm a little nervous about the whole college thing even though i know i'm gonna do great.

the only thing that sucks is that i am staying in el reno again but i dont talk to anyone out here so that shouldn't be a problem and with work and school hell i shouldn't have time to fuck up you know that old saying is true idle hands are the devils playground

growing up

so mike and i almost finished the roof today so i took the after noon off to enroll in college, but i have to wait 1 to 5 days for a pin before i can do my financial aid, i decided to enroll here at red lands this semester cause of gas prices and time so anyways maybe i'm finally growing up

doing the right thing

so it is really hard to always do the right thing when bills are stacking up judges want their fine money the weather sucks so it's hard to stay busy with side work on the week ends but 'm making it i guess instead of seminole state i'm gonna enroll in red lands oh joy.this town has an evil existence that always seems to drag me back but i have no choice if i want to hold what i've got

mikes a pretty good guy

so any  one who reads on a regular basis knows that my step dad and i have had a fair share of problems, some of them my fault and some of them were his but truly over the years we have both done quite a bit of growing and all bull shit aside i'm not  an  easy kid or step kid to have

not that i was a bad kid, quite the oppisite i'm a pretty good son and brother it has just been my own life choices and a few of my fathers that has  been real hard for everyone in my family to deal and cope with

i have caused a lot of worries and a lot of tears in my life and i thank God for all of the people who have helped me through those times even you mike much love

morning again

well it's morning again another week started in the ghetto i guess i'm gonna at least do my first semester at seminole state and then we can go from there

that will  at least make sure that i get to sleep with my puppy twice a week

and see my rowdy lil country boys, my d, and my sister/mom lol

feels good to be home

so i have been at my moms for a week to save on gas plus saying at my moms beats driving 2 hours to work then 2 hours home

my smoke dog has grown so much she is definatly my pretty girl and so much less drama then having a girlfriend

i've got to head back to el ghetto tonight so i'll be there for work tomorrow plus i haveto decide if i'm gonna en role in seminole state or o.s.u techwho knows but en rollment starts tomorrow

man i feel like shit

man i was trashed last night and now i'm paying for it today all kinds of hungover and having to roof a house in this 40 degree windy ass weather but it pays the bills well sometimes any ways it's nap time

damn i feel old

so i went to see this heather girl and hung out shot some pool played quarters what ever but like i was the oldest one there the girl i went to see well anyways, lets just say she's not for me

any how i got really fucking trashed and went and fucked my ex wife, then she drove me back to my moms where i slept in my durango my little sister came and tried to help me in the house but in case i needed to puke i wanted to stay where i was at any ways i'm getting ready to go jump on a roof so peace

happy turkey day

so last night i had to go regulate cause my 14 year old sister was drinking with some 20 year old guys, then i went back to make sure they understood and i met their 19 yearold room mate heather i've got a lot of girls trying to hook up with me but the truth is i haven't really felt it but this girl here is something else.

i didn't even know she was legal until i got home cause i asked my sister about her and she says she's 19 so i had rachel  call over there and get her on the phone we are supposed to hook up tonight so we will see whats up

as you can read for yourself amanda still reads my shit and yes i did tell her i miss her and the boys and i love all of them and still yet she wants to act like a spoiled, stubborn little brat and constantly talk shit

so any ways until tomorrow brings something new go get it how you live and do what you do

ANOTHER DAY

so i guess i didn't write in here that i told kari that i wasn't really feeling it, i write, think and feel so much that when i finish an entry most of the time i dont even know what i wrote, any how we are still talking, i have not had the gas to go see her but we still talk everyday and i guess it is not that i'm not feeling it i've just got so much going on with work, trying to go back to college and deciding wich one to go to because of where my land is compared to where my work is, so on and so forth

i spoke with amanda the other night and i guess she hurt herself at work,pretty bad i guess something about a compression fracture on her spine, but the mouthy bitch makes it hard for someone to even feel sorry for her. she is always talking shit, hell she even tries to or does actually call me an idiot all the time, but like i keep reminding her i'm not living in an apartment that the goverment reduces my rent at i am buying land, quite a bit of land actually, and to this point my college G.P.A is a what, oh yeah thats right 4.0

but don't let me brag just yet that is only one semester, but my guess is at the end of next semester it will still be a 4.0 cause that is my goal and i am a determined driven person, who is not an idiot

 

FIRST DAY

well today was my first day working with bruce, well not really i've done jobs for him but this is my first time to work for bruce full time, the work wasn't hard, the day wasn't to long and the pay is decent, so i guess this will work as i work my way through college to my desired goal of being a drug counselor and minister to athiest and agnostic believing people.

on another note i put in my journal that i told kari that it wasn't going to work cause i had planned on doing it that night and never did she called before dinner and actually it was good to hear her voice so maybe i wont break up with her

i've just went through three failed attempts at a relationship right now i'm to emotionally exhausted to even begin to try and love someone and idont want to be with anyone unless it is out of love and desire and i've seemed to have exhausted my love and desire i still have lustful desires but thats not what i'm after

life is good

so it has been a long hard bumpy road, nothing easy every day a struggle just to stay sober and strong more failurers than successes more loss than gain but i'm still standing just the same.

there has been a lot of women some phony ass tricks, some whores in bathrooms sucking my dick.

this year my heart has been broken and my body has been beat and i'm still standing just a little unsteady but on my feet

i lost a dear friend a soldier, a brother, barley made it off of parole and pissed off my mother i went to san fran and lost my job in los alamos and still i continue to chief yes i still smoke to all of my loved ones many thanks watch me shine it's finally my day

sex on a greyhound bus

so ted got to drunk to get on the bus in new mexico so i sit next to this girl kari we had  had a couple of drinks together before we got on the bus,anyways somewhere between alberqurci and amirillo we moved to the back of the bus where i d-boed a seat so we could fuck we kicked it a little bit since we've been in oklahoma but the truth is i'm not feeling it

i've been talking to amanda and even though she is a raging bitch i still feel it for her all the guys at work were always like why u still talking bout that trick the truth is i love her and her boys

but any how i'm just focusing on me and work and college and whatever comes along

I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS SHIT

so friday after we got back to the motel for lunch after our ladder training my bosss called me to his room and told me that i didn't pass my piss test after all

i had to go to ocupational medicine with john he is like a site manager any ways i asked for copies of my lab results from my u/a and was told that the goverment owned those result and that i could make a request in writing and they may or may not adress it

so they sent me home on a buss so i went from making 32 dollars an hour to being un employed with all kinds of bills isn't life funny like that

so i met a girl in new mexico

so last night i met this girl she seems pretty cool she stayed the night i took her to eat chinese and then we went to the bar to shoot some pool, my partner ted said he wanted to stay and have a drink so krista and i went back to the room ted wound up in a messs and caleed me when i got there things had settled down so krista and i came back to the room  i couldn't sleep cause i had this bad feeling so i went back to the bar as i aproached i heard a confrontation this young guy had followed ted outside and was causing a problem i got the guy to stop but ted sucker punched him long story short ted went to jail, i bonded him out this morning but he still lost his job so now i'm stuck spending all of my per diem on my room and having to use some of my check to live on but as of today i have made a little over a thousand dollars this week so i'm still cool plus that gives krista and i the room to ourselves so it's all good

I PASSED

so we got our results back yesterday and i passed i am so damn happy you would not even believe so no more poking the smot for me

today is the day

well i will know today if i passed my drug test, it is really kind of fucked up to me that i would not quit smoking pot for parole, but for this job i did but i guess it may have been a little to late, even if i fail the test i'm not going to give up i am going to call Tim Aduddell the owner of the company i work for and just shoot straight with him it is the only thing i know to do, i know this much working for this company has a whole lot to do with the fact that i have been able to stay sober, combined with the love and support of my family the combination of the two has given me  the strength to fight my addiction and has for the first time in my life made me believe in myself and my future and the thought that i may lose that has me scared to death but i wont let it cause me to relapse again. if my test comes back positive i hope that Tim will take into consideration that i had just lost my best friend, more than a friend my brother, that did not give me an excuse to relapse but that is the reason, i did fine until i went to the sight that he died at then it was real and really it was to much, he died at a spot we spent many a night together at, but today is the day

A LITTLE WORRIED

well i have to admitt i am a little bit worried about my drug test results tomorrow. i really feel like such a failure i have so much going for me and to think i might lose it over smoking pot makes me sick. i have had a couple of relapses but i have managed to pull my shit together, and even through my fuck ups i am proud of me, well i was proud of me but right now i am so disappointed in myself and i just don't know what to do i just pray that the Lord makes a miracle happen for me cause right now that is what it will take

so so all alone

so today has sucked ass on top of having to worry about a bull shit drug test to keep a job i desperatly want to keep, in los alamos you can't even drink at a bar until you  get good and drunk no these sissy's want to throw you out just when your having a good time they say damn you look drunk well no shit that was my goal now make me a drink. my thing is this i dont normally drink but in trying to be responsible and not smoking pot i drink right wrong or indifferent that is what i do. i personally would much rather just smoke a joint but our govcrment and job forces seem to think that smoking a joint at night makes you un fit to work during the day, but go get drunk brag about how much you drank and feel like shit and work like shit, and your one of them. i guess the question i'm asking myself is do i want to be like them, and i know the answer hell no i like being me. aside from only having one friend who doubles as my brother in law. since i have given up what i know as life and survival i feel more and more lonely each day. today almost broke me, had it not been for my stubborn pride, my hunger to suceed and my family today would have broke me and the truth is today did break me i just didn't break but i am physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted and i dont know how much longer i can go on and i don't even know what would make it better all i want is to be loved, not lusted after, not wanted for possesions i can give just loved for being me, flaws and all i am loud i am cocky I AM JOE POWERS and i just want to be accepted for that. i just want to find one good woman who won't lie to me, steal from me, or cheat on me, but the truth is i am giving up on believing in fairy tales it is what it is and i guess a fairy tale is not in store for me just pain, hurt, lonliness and loss.it is what it is, and for me it is not and they lived happily ever after it just is not

home sweet home

so we pulled into town last night and you know joe i spent the evening kicking it with the girl who runs the front desk and her 3 friends we sat down in the lobby and got smashed on some southern comfort and then the girl that works the desk got scared so all of her friends left except april who came up to my room we drank some beer and made out a little anyways after i go take that real hard test where you have to hit the cup i'm going to take her to lunch until later peace holla at ya boy

i leave today

we leave at 8 this morning for new mexico i'm gonna miss my family but damn do i need the money

so we are leaving on sunday

well my boss called and told me after work today that we leave on sunday 8 a.m to go to new mexico so i have spent the evening getting everything i need ready.living right in yucca valley seemed so easy but here it is a struggle every day not to resort to my old life but i have been doing pretty good today i was stressed out but now i am finally home everything is packed now i just have to do this roof tomorrow with my brother and step dad and then leave sunday and when i get back all of my bills will be caught up and i'll have several grand in the bank actually i'm hoping to have 1,000 to 15,000 in savings and like 3 grand in my checking

mom, nonie, dustin, and the boys i'm gonna be missing you but i'll be making that fat cash so love yall see ya when i get back

and JAY tomorrow when i smoke my last joint cause i'm quitting it will be dedicated to you soldier may you rest in peace i miss the fuck out of you 

life is good

so i found out today that i get to go to los alamos new mexico monday making 32.00 dollars an hour again that news came right in time since the tag title and tax is due on my durango

i've pretty well cut off all ties with anyone that i used to do dope with and i'm still single so i have been a little lonely but my puppy keeps me company i need to get some pictures on here of my puppy my lil smoke dog anyways so life is good