so life is good and GOD is great

so i went in today and watched the osha video's for work and i actually start tomorrow plus nonie and dustin are buying a Chrysler 300 and they are selling me the intrepid so i'll have a car with good gas milege to get back and forth to work dustin figured up what i'll be making with overtime and before taxes i'll be bringing in 1100 dollars a week now we will just see how bad uncle sam rapes me.

anyways michelle called tonight she really has a lot of nerve, i mean i got no hard feelings cause i can only blame myself for having her around in the first place but seriously i'm done i cant handle any more drama or fake ass ho's i've got way to much going for me to let some broad trick me off

speaking of fake ass ho's and drama why can't i get amanda off of my mind i still find myself thinking about her and us and wondering if i could have done something different and thats just stupid i did all i could she was the one that wasn't invested in us or a future.

anyways not that any of that shit matters i'm doing great i've got a great job a great family.i've got my head on straight and my sights set and anyone who's ever been hunting with me knows how straight i shoot, i dont miss often

i start tomorrow

so i start my new job tomorrow and i am a little nervous but i cant wait so i'll let everyone know how it goes

i start thursday

so i talked to tony and windell today and i start training thursday i'm really excited and i cant wait to go to puerto rico

through it all

so if you know me you know that i fucked up again big suprise huh michelle came around and i cant blame it on her it's just when she comes around all i really want to do is do dope and fuck like porn stars. but she left me in el reno cause, well  it really dont matter why just some classic michelle shit.

i do need to say thank you mom for not making it any worse than what it already was for me i really did appreciate that.

and through it all , all of my mistakes, God and my family have stood strong

i went down yesterday and passed my drug test for this roofing job that pays $14.00 an hour and allows me to fly all over the U.S and puerto rico and wendill my boss called last night and said that he was gonna get me a company phone and i met this guy in jail this last time if that's not the hand of a mighty God i dont know what is. i should be training tomorrow or thursday and leaving for san fransico or puerto rico next week

so to the three people who have endured so much pain and drama AND BULL SHIT because of me thank you for STAYING STRONG THROUGH IT ALL I LOVE YOU

it's good to be free again

well it's been quite a while since i've wrote in my journal, i went to jail for driving under suspension and then i had to go to canadian county jail to take care of some old warrents

but my trip to jail turned out to be a blessing i quit smoking cigarretes and met a roofer who gave me a job making  $14.00 an hour.

i've been out a week but have beenextremely busy plus my sisters phone was cut off for a minute

when i was in jail some of the guys were talking about their kids playing soccer and i started thinking about jonathon and jeremiah so i wrote the cunt and her boys

anyways  the other day nonie got an e mail from the cunt talking about i should just move on with my life. like i havent i started moving on with my life when i let that slut suck me off in arizona but those boys cant help it their momma's a cunt and it is a damn shame that they will probably never know the joy of having a father figure in their life cause their whore mom runs them all off

but any how while she is still stuck in the same spot she has been stuck at for the last 6 years i have been completly blessed i'm gonna take over the payments of lot one and pay my sister back what she has already invested in it so now i am back to buying 7 acres again and this time i'm not gonna fuck it off for anything i dont care how impossible things look i'm not gonna give up like i  did last time.

this is where i'm making my home i am supposed to be leaving for kansas either tomorrow or monday and i'm gonna be working 7 days there and then flying to new mexico to work another week so God willing when i get back i will have enough money to give my sister 500 dollars and hopefully move my trailor to my land if not then my trailor will have to wait until my next check

once i've got all that done dustin and i are going to install my septic tank and tie my water into his and just split the water bill so i dont have to come out of pocket 1200 dollars for a metor

we will probably run the water lines and the electric at the same time and that is where it gets fun cause even though i am buying an older model trailor when i get done it will be a brand new home

i'll start by completly gutting the trailor so i can build it right new studs if it's needed new insulation, new sheet rock, new floors, new carpet, and while i'm replacing all that shit and my trailor is gutted i can frame in anything that i might want to add or change anything that i want to change.

i know for fact that even if it has a bar or wet bar i'm gonna have to tear it down and build it right, plus i'm gonna want a fireplace in my living room and my master bed room for the cold country winter nights.

i already have most of what i need to build a garage on when my trailor is finished, and then in 5 or 6 years i will build my home, you know my trailor will be homey enough but thats not where i'm gonna grow old and die. i'm gonna have a nice big country home with a porch that goes all the way around and several front porch swings, a bricked in bar-b-q pit and an outside wet bar all located  around my pool and hot tub you know it's not enough to dream big but if your gonna dream big you have to be able to see yourself there in that dream and have some kind of plan of action as to how you are going to get to where it is you want to be. see i not only have a plan of action  but i know myself and what i am capable of doing so i know i will be there and i am a patient patient man and i'm prepared to fall time and time again cause i know that know matter how many times i fall i'll be right back on my feet dusting myself off and saying is that all you got

so last week end michelle was at her brothers and she came over we ended up taking my nephews and her oldest son dolan to the lake and then we stayed at her brothers and she has spent several days just kicking here with me at my sisters and up until last night it had just been on homie staus i have been trying to give her her space and just be a friend to help her find herself with no strings attached and trying my best to keep my desires and emotions in check so that i can stay in a completly neutral position to help her from so that neither one of us get hurt again or our friendship be jepordized

i want michelle to be the woman that i know she really is down deep the woman that revealed her true self the very first night that we went out. i want her to be able to show the world what i have already seen and what she just can not believe that she could ever be, but she alraedy is and doesn't even know it. she can't seem to allow herself to just or believe in something anything she wont allow herself any happiness and she deserves it and can have it. michelle i love baby always and forever even if it's just as homies when you can't count on anyone else know that you can count on me.