i hope i get my raise

well i said something to bruce about needing a raise on this check, he said we would talk about it today.it's not that i just want a raise i need one to keep up with the bills that i already have plus get a  place of my own here in el ghetto so we will see

paradise

so one of my earlier entries said i made it to paradise"idiot"

where i had made it was to the dirty ass desert of yucca valley with a mouthy spoiled bitch

but see i was running from myself and that never works, but i still made it back home to paradise and defeated the demons that for so long have haunted me

well maybe not defeated but i'm damn sure fighting them and winning one battle at a time but i was damn sure an idiot for leaving all that i have here, to go to the dirty ass desert

our pond

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my lil creek

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where i think i may build my home

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theres no place like home

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my durango on the edge of my sisters land

home sweet home

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pitts such vicious animals

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so i haven't wrote in a while

so i haven't been writing very much cause i'm staying with my mom to be close to work and sometimes  it's  hard to get time on the computer. plus i have had a staffinfection.

i've been kind of depressed here lately, i can't stop thinking of jay, i miss my soldier more than i could have ever imagined

i spent the weekend at home, it  was good to just  sit back and cuddle my smoke dog

isnt being grown up fun

so i have not got to work all week because of the ice storms and my durango payment is due i have a staffinfection and it is  pretty bad cause i thought it was just a spider bite and tried to squeeze the poison out but all that i succeeded in doing was sending more infection in to my blood stream and now i have been dizzy and nauseous all day

so i thought that i would cry u a river boo hoo hoo i feel better now dont you any ways i'm laying down before i fall down

my boys

so i got to talk to the boys the night before last but i can not seem to get this comp here at the comp lab to work or the one at my moms house cause i have been trying to put the newest pics i have recieved of miah and jonothan from amanda anyways i was so happy and at the same time so sad when i finally got to talk to them miah asked if i was ever going to come home and it broke my heart and now amanda is back to blowing me off but whatever

we are having an ice storm here in oklahoma so i didnt get to work yesterday or today and it is truck payment week but i will figure it out i always do

i think that i am getting ready to go to jays crash site for a moment and think, reflect, and give thanks to God for spareing me even though that seems almost selfish

i loved jay, i love jay like a brother, as sad as this is jays death hit me harder than my nanny's or my grampa's maybe it was cause i felt like it was there time but have such a hard time beleiving that it was jays most of his life was spent in prison he was just given the chance to live again and in some ways i am to blame for destroying that chance the bible says u cant serve 2 masters but for so long i have God be with me

home at last, at least for the week end

so i'm home for the week end it had been 2 weeks since i got to come home and see my sister, brother in law nephews and my smoke dog. i can not wait until i start school i am so EXCITED cause i know i will do really well at both school and my called profession.

i know that it is gonna be a lot of hard work but i am finally ready to tackle it, i've got the support of my family and the blessings and protection of God all mighty

i am enjoying being single but i got a really touching text from duvacha the other night i am ready to settle down but i am scared to death of allowing my self to love again

work work work

so i am up getting ready to get ready for work i have been sick all week but can not afford to miss any work so this week has been hard but this has been one of my best birthday years ever i'm not locked up or strung out, and i am getting ready too start college go me

hang overs suck ass

so mitch took me and kari to the red dog last night and i got wasted, and as always when i go out drinking i am really fucking hungover today. i can not understand how it is legal to drink and illegal to smoke marijuana.drinking and driving is responsible for an enormous amount of deaths each year, drinking causes hangovers and alcohol poisoning.and i dont know why i always drink way to much on the occasions that i do decide to go out to the club but i always do i had a great  time celebrating another year of life lived and a fresh start at a new life doing what i have needed to do for a real long time now but the truth is never reallybelieved that  could do it, i always thought that i would fail or i was not a good nough of a person to help

 

RED DOG BABY

so my birthday is tuesday but mitch is taking me to the red dog tonight to celebrate, it's kinda gonna suck cause i'm breaking up with kari i just dont have time for a steady relationship

i'm just trying to focus on me and my future, someday i'll be ready to find the one woman out there for me when i can give her all that she deserves