damn damn damn

so i partied way to much over spring break but i went to two bad ass parties, but i wound up in bed with someone i shouldn't have, now class has started back and english comp two looks like it's gonna be way harder than comp one and comp one kicked my ass i made an 85 which blew my 4.0 out of the water

then last night my mom and i got into it which caused so much pain that i normally have a handle on to break loose. had it not been for my land and truck being in my brother in laws name and my phone being in my sisters name i would have left last night and just drove until i couldnt drive anymore

it's just that here everyone brings up my past and my mistakes and very few people even seem to notice that aside from my addiction and my temper, I believe that i am real close to being what God calls us to be. I'm not fake or phony i'm one of the most giving and loving person that a person could ever meet. i will do anything for my family or a friend, keep in mind that i have very few FRIENDS i have buddies and homies but if i call you my friend than know that i would kill for you or die for you without hesitation or thought

my mom said that my addiction had become a lifestyle where as my sister knew moderation the difference is my sister never got kicked out of our house for trying to protect our mom when she was being tossed around or spit on but i did no less than once a month from the time i was 14 to 17. where does a person that age go when they have no place to go THEY GO ANYWHERE THEY CAN and more often than not its dope houses or if its a girl its perverted old men

my mom said she had drug problems with me before the berry house i smoked pot that was it but i went to church volunteered my time building church of the rock and helped them remodel a night club into a worship center and youth center and came home one night to have my every hope and dream torn apart

and now that im finally starting to dream and do right nothing i ever do is right im always in the way honestly last night i was a close to being suicidal as i have ever been and had it not been for nonie and rachel i dont know what i would have done i'm not saying i would have killed my self but im sure i would have fucked off everything i have accomplished and probably not even cared well i was supposed to be studying so holla