today is the day

well i will know today if i passed my drug test, it is really kind of fucked up to me that i would not quit smoking pot for parole, but for this job i did but i guess it may have been a little to late, even if i fail the test i'm not going to give up i am going to call Tim Aduddell the owner of the company i work for and just shoot straight with him it is the only thing i know to do, i know this much working for this company has a whole lot to do with the fact that i have been able to stay sober, combined with the love and support of my family the combination of the two has given me  the strength to fight my addiction and has for the first time in my life made me believe in myself and my future and the thought that i may lose that has me scared to death but i wont let it cause me to relapse again. if my test comes back positive i hope that Tim will take into consideration that i had just lost my best friend, more than a friend my brother, that did not give me an excuse to relapse but that is the reason, i did fine until i went to the sight that he died at then it was real and really it was to much, he died at a spot we spent many a night together at, but today is the day