the last 6 months has tried my strength more than you could imagine

my whole life has been an obstacle but the last 6 months well actually the last 3 years but we will just deal with the last six months has been extremely tough on me i always feel like im one decision or one mistake away from losing everything i was almost kicked out of school for drug use and my criminal record. yes i have had 2 relapses in the recent past and but i chose a professor from my other college to be my sponsor of course i had not planned on moving when i made that decision but my point is i have never been decietful about who joe powers is I AM THAT MAN if you stay current on this journal u know that is a poem i wrote sometime ago in Yucca valley. Lacey came real close to hurting my heart i sent her a text this morning that said it would probably be best if i forgot i ever met her or started to care about her. once upon a time i would have been fine with just hooking up for sex probably would have eeven been okay with it now except i found i really enjoyed her company which for me is uncommon see i love all people but their are very few i really enjoy being around for any length of time. but as sappy as it may sound when she was around i never wanted her to leave. when she laid in my arms it just felt right. see the other morning i went to see her after work and she began to tell me all of the reason she didnt see us making it my past being one of them. I told her fine that was her desicion i was going home to get some sleep. on the way home she texted me and said that we needed to talk some more that she didnt want it to be like this. i said like what im after more than being friends that fuck and if you dont want more than im gonna have to step back before i get hurt. she acted like she wanted more, then the night before last she tells me that were pretty much through but she has still been texting im to old for games, not that i dont play them well, i have one home girl that tells me she loves my game i always told her girl thats not game thats me
as shitty as my life has been i have never stopped believing in the fairy tale whatever that may mean to you and as long as there is a breath in me i will keep soldier stepping although at times im not even sure why i do so i just do it is what i do i just keep moving forward when i fall down i get up when it rains i shine i dont know what else to do i just pray that someday i will be able to look back and say it was all worth it