Sunday, December 21, 2008
staying sober
staying sober this time of year is always so hard for me,not like the rest of the year is easy. but this time of year is when i remember the most. when i hurt the most when i escape the most it used to be from early november thru january but with jays death on september 11 now it starts a lil bit early. i owe my mom and sisters at least a better attempt then what i have been giving it. well i have to go peace
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I don't know what to say without sounding like a coldhearted bitch. I love you more than anything except my children.. I have more faith in you than anyone or anything including myself...but yet you keep bringing it down and proving me wrong... I'm so tired of being wrong. There comes a point in life where u have to grow up and move on. put the past in the past and leave it there..you have nothing to look for except the future the past is called the past for a reason. I feel so selfish when it comes to you because you cause me more pain than anyone I have ever known and I'm ready for it to end. I've done this with you for 15 years and to be honest I'm so tired I can't do it anymore. Please you haven't ever accomplished being free and clean and now Rachel is old enough to love you and hurt because of the love she has for you and the faith that she has in you please let it end don't do this to her for as long as I've done it... I love you more than you will ever know...You go through the bad, just to get to the good.
Something I wish more people understood
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