I feel like shit

doing meth tends to have that effect on a person as if just being tired and and sleep deprived wasnt bad enough i used last night and the night before meth has been offered to me several times at work and i have not had any problems saying no. then the other night lacy came up to my job to kick it with me one thing led to another and we found ourselves in the utility closet well she left and went home and shortly after that one of my regulars came in and was high as fuck, see i cant even blame it on him i saw how high he was and knew lacy was coming over after i got out of my seminar so i askd him whats up with it and he hooked me up with like a paper, why do i do dumb shit when i know its some dumb shit. der der der der do i have that stamped on my fucking head sometimes i wonder. i need a good woman, and i really really need to see something for all of the sacrafice and work that i have put into my education and trying to get into a career where i can help others, and i cant even help my self sometimes i feel like all i am really doing is setting myself up because sometimes when people laugh when i tell them why im going to college, i get it and sometimes i even wanna laugh to. but all i knw to do is to keep believing thats what God says "faith is the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen" and i had several people tell me when i was younger that they saw me working with troubled adolecants as an adult now u have to understand when i was told these things i was selling crack on the corner and shooting meth. so to me that was really a joke i guess about the same as the joke people laugh to when i tell them im gonna be a counselor, but with every fucking laugh i take another step in that direction and even if i fail im gonna fail trying and ill still tell everyone who doubted me u were still wrong cause look where i did make it and that was not only more than most would have thought but to be honest i am doing better accademically than most of the people who talk shit can do or have done and if they did do this well it was hard for them and they struggled with it now im not trying to brag but im on the presidents honor roll and i only strained up with one class and that was my computer class and i still made an a i have made 2 B's but that is not to shabby anyways peace