abandoned as a child, accused of unthinkable things , locked in a cage with animals that looked just like men so i guess this is it this is where my story begins
accused of raping my step sister, my own father turned his back
i'm not sure if he ever really believed i did it or was he just securing his harley and covering his own back ,locked in a juvenile detention
beaten and raped so completly ashamed that i didn't even want to see my own face upon my release i went to live with my grandfather but he was way to strict so i went back to my moms
my step dad had a drinking problem and my mom loves to bitch when you cobine the two it eaquals my mom getting hit i tried to protect her i tried to be stong
and just the other day my mother informed me, for that to i was wrong i spent lots of nights walking just me and my dog because it was always me who wound up homeless when carl hit my mom i finally got my lisence and even bought myself a car i was never at home but from my sister i was never far things got worse with each day that passed by i was to young to know it then but most of the reasons were because women cheat and lie i promised my mom if she left him i would help her pay the bills i was working at a pizza joint but when i started my second job i got pretty strung out i drove my sister to school and the babies to daycare then rushed right home to find some work clothes to wear it didnt take long and we had enough for a trailor that we could call our home cause the sands motel is no kinda home we all got moved in and for once it looked like things would be okay until my mom decided she needed a dope phene stray we bumped heads from the very start he tried to act like my dad[and worthless as he may be] mike couldn't fill the part one night my mother and i had a little fight she kicked me out no big deal happened all the time leave for the night let us both calm down come home tomorrow and work our problems out i guess i had a death wish lord knows i hated being alive but i guess God doesn't want me dead cause he damn sure knows how hard at death i tried the next morning i really dont remember another one of the Lords miracles that ieven made it home only to have a jobless junkie tell me that this was no longer my home i'm not sure what fucking bill he paid at our fucking house that gave him any fucking right and it did start a fight well if you could call it that a grown man and a 17 year old kid so fucked up i could barely walk damn he's a big man i remember being at the hospital and hearing my p.o say he's going back and that is all it took to make me crack i swallowed 2 bags of pills and pulled out my knife all i really knew was i needed to get out side as i walked out the doors pepperspray spattered my eyes and then i was on the ground that cost me 9 more months of my life but this time i was locked up with a bunch of child molesters two weeks before i turned 18 they finally let me go but drugs were all iknew tha would kill the pain inside of joe i needed money for weed so i stole some money from my grandparents got caught and was homeless again
[i deserved to be thrown out that time] learned a hard lesson from that mistake 10 years later and every time my grampa looks at me it's with that dissappointed face i got my girst apartment but not long after lost my job went from cleaning showers at a truck stop to standing on the corner slangin rocks it wasn't easy being the only white boy selling crack in the hood during all of this i got pretty strung out i was staying in a motel pimping out this street whore when i decided to call my mom to get clean
to be continued i got shit to do
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