soldier

so i've been called and called myself a soldier so many times but how much of a soldier am i

never ran from a man or group of men, well except jay and a tire iron lol

but over the years i've ran from myself, or hid my true self, killed my true self and numbed my self with drugs

when things are good my true self can be seen and i'm all good, but when shit starts going sideways in my life i've always had a crutch to supress all of my hurts and pains that i've really never dealt with just kept locked away and numbed with a needle

and now that I AM trying to stay clean i'm not being able to handle myself i can't handle my own thoughts my own memories, losses mistakes

there are only a few words in my heart that keep me going

can't means won't and you will

           one foot in front of another keeps a man moving boy

ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF ANOTHER

               but my feet are getting heavy

and i'm not even sure what i keep putting one foot in front of the other for