aint that some shit

so ever since amanda cold heartedly kicked me out i still have been calling her almost daily , just so that she does not forget that there is a broken hearted country boy MISSING HER EVERY DAY and i get in last night and read amanda's journal and it basically saud that she thought my calls were over with and then last night i started again all i wanna know is what are you lying about. either you lied every time that you told me that you loved me or your lying now when you say u wish i would stop calling and that you are moving on so wich is it did you just not ever really love me or is this killing you to.The sad thing is i dont have to ask that question i know the answer to it, and to be honest it hurts a whole lot.well amandas vacation is coming up and there is this little piece of me that believes in fairy tales and happy endings holding out to see.but the realistic part of me knows that she is not coming and that it is really over .but the child in me still wants to believe.what is sad is she is nitt picking my insecurities that she knew i had when i got on that bus,and yes that is a character flaw. it is just i cant help but wonder where she is gonna find this dream guy that does everything else that i did for her plus love her like i do and love her boys like their own like i do.see the problem is that is impossible because no one will ever love her like i do and no other man will love those boys like i love them, and then just being realistic very few guys even think about helping their ladies around the house much less do it after 10 to 12 hours in the sun even if amanda had been off that day i still helped so really good luck on that who knows you may find it

amanda i love you more than you could ever possibly know i used to just lay there and watch you sleep a nd listen to your lil snores and think damn i am the luckiest man alive. now i lie awake longing to hold you and to hear you breathe next to me i still wake up every morning expecting you to be there and you arent i start every day with a freshly broken heart

well my beautiful angel eyes i guess as much as this kills me you have left me no choice but to say good bye.

if you would please tell the boys i love and miss them dearly and they are still more than welcome to call me if they want because even tho you didn't i had forever in mind and even tho i am saying good bye i still see you as my wife in my future that may be just one more dissapointment that i still have coming but it is how i feel and what i see

 i dont know what happened if you got scared or what but i really think that you know you want me  back