i'm sorry daddy but i'm cleaning out my closet

so I don't want to hurt my dad I have no choice anytime i start to think about father hood or i talk about my dad or someone asks where my family is blah blah blah i start to think about how much he has hurt me .nothing can be said or done to change what has already happened.all i want is for him to admit that he was wrong and truly apologize from the very bottom of his heart and mean it. I need to hear him say he is sorry for what he has put me through and for not helping me when he could, and it would be nice if he could tell me that he is proud of the way i turned out after all I've been through tell me that it makes him proud to know that through it all i managed to somehow hold my head up high and never give up. he could tell me that he is proud of how i raised three kids that were almost my own age and even though i made plenty of mistakes i managed to teach them trust and respect and honesty.i don't really know exactly what i need all i know is that i need something